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Many twin and multiples parents worry that they’ll have trouble telling their newborn twins, triplets, or higher order multiples apart.  Often times, even fraternal twins are hard to distinguish. 

And yet, “identical twins” are not completely identical. There are many differences in appearance.  Typically, one twin will be narrower in the face — the other rounder. Some identicals are even “mirror image” of each other. 

The good news is that most parents quickly learn the subtle physical differences between their twins / multiples, and it is mostly friends and outside family that have difficulty.

Still, there are techniques to make it easier for everyone in your multiples’ lives to tell them apart. Having some of these techniques in place will be especially helpful when part-time caregivers come to your aid.

1. Hospital wrist bands. Keep the hospital wrist bands on for a couple of days after returning home.
2. Assigned colors. Assign a color to each of your twins, triplets, or higher order multiples.
3. Dressing in assigned colors. Purchase clothing in the assigned colors and dress each accordingly. It can be fun to dress twins in matching outfits, differing by assigned color.
4. Paint a toenail. An age old, tried and true method to tell newborn twins / multiples apart is to paint a toenail on one or more of the babies (in your chosen assigned color for each, of course). Why a toenail and not a fingernail? When the babies begin to suck their fingers, you can avoid ingestion of the polish.
5. Color code your charts. If you keep charts for tracking feedings and sleep schedules, highlight each infant’s chart with their assigned color. (Check back for a future article on the subject of charting your infants’ schedules.)
6. Color code your cribs. Choose bedding in the matching assigned colors, and place colored labels with their names over the cribs. If they share a crib, always place each infant under their name on either the left or right.

When our babies were young, we soon were easily able to tell them apart. We tried to take a lot of pictures, but didn’t always have time to go in and label the photos to identify who was who.  Big mistake.  Now that they are older, we look back at early pictures and often can’t tell them apart!  At the time, we were easily able to key in on the differences, but looking back is more difficult. Often times, it is the color coding of the outfits in the pictures that lets us know.

Even with techniques in place, mix-ups can (and do!) happen. The trick is to be extra careful to check your charts and schedules and double-check which baby you’re holding. This can be critical in the case of food allergies, for example.  One of our identical girls had a severe allergy to milk, the other not.  A mix up did happen once, which resulted in our little sweetie vomiting after her feeding. Fortunately it worked out fine, but was pretty scary for a few hours.

How about you… what have you done to tell your newborn twins apart? Have you ever mixed them up?

Copyright 2009 Kathryn Whiteley – http://twinParenthood.com

Should twins, triplets, or higher order multiples be placed in separate classrooms?

Schools, teachers, and administrators have traditionally expressed a preference for, or even have established policies or practices mandating classroom separation of twins. A study in 1966 by Koch seemed to support the idea that separating twins encouraged them to perform better. But since that study, very little was done to challenge that notion. Some surveys were conducted about how teachers and parents felt about classroom separation of twins. But there was a startling lack of scientific study on the issue. How interesting, given that these more recent surveys showed many twin parents are opposed to separation, or at the very least strongly prefer flexibility and input in the decision process.

Recent studies support the notion that twins and multiples should be placed together through the elementary years, unless there is a compelling reason not to do so (please see Part 1: Twins and Multiples in School — Same Classroom or Separate?).

Today, we’ll consider some of these potentially compelling reasons for placement of twins, triplets, or higher order multiples in separate classrooms.

8 Reasons to Place Twins, Triplets, or Higher Order Multiples in Separate Classrooms

1. Fostering individuality. The most common reason identified by teachers and school administrators for separating twins / multiples is to foster individuality. However, if the multiples are capable of forming lasting friendships — but simply most often prefer each other’s company, separation is not warranted. If your multiples don’t make friends with anyone else, separation of classroom might not be immediately necessary. First try working with the teacher to determine if there are ways to encourage your twins to branch out and make new friendships. Sometimes classroom seating can be adjusted, for example. If these attempts fail, classroom separation might be necessary.
2. Trouble telling them apart.While separating twins might help educators tell them apart, the decision to separate shouldn’t be made based on this factor alone. If this is the only argument for separating, instead, work with the teacher to identify ways to differentiate between the twins. This shouldn’t be based on wearing different clothes, nametags, or different hairstyles — but on permanent characteristics that parents and close friends already key into (shape of the face, mannerisms, height differences, etc.).  Work with teachers to help them differentiate performance between them. If these efforts fail, work out more superficial methods to tell them apart, such as clothing color and hairstyle.
3. Overly competitive.All multiples and siblings are going to be somewhat competitive. That is just human nature. If however, the competition is extreme, or where classroom dynamics contribute to the issue through other children’s constant comparisons, then separate classrooms might be helpful.  Be careful, though. Separate classrooms can lead to comparison between the teaching styles and level of homework. Separation might not be the solution you are looking for.
4. Disparity in abilities.As mentioned previously, all twins, multiples, and siblings in general will be somewhat competitive. When there is a large disparity in abilities between the multiples, the competition can become unhealthy for one or more of the children.  It can, in fact, lead to shutting down and being learning resistive.
5. Disruptive to the class.Some twins have difficulty leaving family issues at home. There is no evidence that twins are more disruptive than other children. But, if the issues become overly distracting to the twins or to the rest of the kids in the class, separation might be indicated if steps to address the problem are unsuccessful.
6. One multiple too dominant.  In some multiple sets, one sibling becomes highly dominant of the other(s).  Having one be a little more dominant than the other is quite natural — but extremes should be addressed.  Caution should be taken to ensure that the dominant twin does not lose confidence without her co-twin. Again, classroom seating adjustments are a more gradual first step prior to separation of classrooms.
7. They want to be separated.  Sometimes twins are quite excited about the opportunity to make their own friendships and perform academically without constant comparison.  The multiples should always be consulted as to their preference, but their reasons need to make sense – and the pros / cons carefully weighed.  Depending on their age, walk through the list of reasons for staying together or separating and ask their opinions on each.
8. Professional recommendation.  If your multiples are under some kind of professional care (doctor / psychologist / counselor / learning specialist), they should be consulted in this important matter. Review with the professional the lists of reasons for staying together or separating. Follow their recommendation if it makes sense to you — but don’t be afraid to argue your points if you feel differently.

Each set of multiples, family circumstances, and school situation should be  considered as unique.  And, the dynamics change over time.  As a result, careful consideration should be made to determine the best placement for the multiples each and every year. Schools, teachers, and parents should remain flexible with regard to placement of multiples, and should adopt a collaborative approach to the decision making process.

Part Four of Twins and Multiples in School — Same Classroom or Separate? will discuss approaches to help parents and educators make a decision about classroom placement.

• Part 1: Twins and Multiples in School — Same Classroom or Separate?
• Part 2:Twins and Multiples in School — 10 Reasons to Place Twins Together

Copyright 2009 Kathryn Whiteley – http://twinParenthood.com

Copyright 2009 Kathryn Whiteley – http://twinParenthood.com

In part one of this series, I wrote last week about our close call with regard to the placement of our twin girls in school. They are moving to a new school, and the school’s practice is to separate twins into different classrooms. After extensive research, I was able to write a compelling email to the new school’s principal explaining why it is important for our girls to be placed together.  Thankfully, he agreed to place my girls in the same classroom next year.

My research indicates that most educators prefer to separate twins and higher multiples as a matter of policy or practice. However, the overwhelming majority of parents and twin experts support a flexible policy that allows a unique decision to be made for each set of twins or multiples. Fortunately, the tide is starting to turn. More and more educators are, in fact, educating themselves — or are finding themselves face to face with parents armed with the latest findings and position statements of the experts. In addition, some states have passed laws mandating parental involvement in the placement decision.

Today, I’d like to focus on reasons to keep twins, triplets or higher multiples together in the classroom.  It is important to reiterate that each set of multiples, family circumstances, and school situation should be  considered as unique.  And, the dynamics change over time.  As a result, careful consideration should be made to determine the best placement for the multiples each and every year.

10 Reasons to Keep Twins, Triplets, or Higher Order Multiples Together in the Classroom

1. Only one class available. This is a very common reason that twins are kept together — even when the school has a policy to separate twins. There simply are not enough classes available to allow for separation.
2. Life circumstances would make separation especially stressful. What is happening in your twins lives outside of school, that would make their being apart especially stressful or worrisome? Some examples of these factors include: divorce, moving, or a death in the family. Having the comfort of their twin nearby can help ease these stresses. Whereas separation can add to the distress experienced during this time.
3. Their twin bond gives them comfort and ease to enhance learning. For most twins, they have not ever been separated from each other previously. Having their twin close allows them to focus on being open to learning new things and having new experiences. When separated, their feeling of unease and distress is overwhelming and they cannot focus on learning. Many will argue that “they get used to it”. While it is true that they will get more used to it, for some, the worry and wonder about their twin is always popping into their mind. This distraction is not necessary and can be a hindrance to learning.
4. Family Convenience. Having the twins, triplets, or higher order multiples together in one classroom eases parent interaction with the school, the teacher, and for volunteering. Often times, school scheduling for special events is based on grade level. How is the parent to decide which class to attend for the Halloween or valentines’ party? curriculum night? which field trip to chaperone, which class to volunteer in this week? which class to bring cupcakes for their birthday? Also, homework coordination is easier for the parent if the twins are together in class. Providing a little bit of relief in the form of convenience for the parents is a drop in the bucket compared to the difficulties multiples families have faced up to this point. This is not a trivial point and should not be minimized or chalked up to a selfish desire on the part of the parents.
5. Learning Style matched to teacher. As students advance from one grade to another, teachers and administrators work hard to ensure that students are placed in classrooms and with teachers that best match the student’s particular learning style. Often times, twins have a similar learning style and both should benefit from being placed with the teacher that can maximize their learning efforts.
6. They are supportive of each other, not overly competitive, and do not distract each other. Often times, multiples are separated as a precaution to avoid possible problems that might occur. They are separated just to avoid a possible situation that might never materialize, or which might be a very minor aspect of the classroom environment that can be easily addressed. Although some of these issues might exist at home, it is important to keep in mind that school is not home. A behavior seen at home will not necessarily exist at school. Parents can help reassure educators that they are willing to partner with educators to quickly identify solutions to address any concerns that might arise as a result of the twin relationship.
7. Prevents comparison of differing learning experiences. Twins are used to sharing everything in life and experiencing everything together. When separated, it is natural for them to talk about and compare their experiences. In the case of different classrooms and teachers, this can lead to questions about teaching styles, amount of homework, and level of difficulty of curriculum. These comparisons can be counterproductive to an effective learning environment.
8. The parents or the multiples themselves want to be together. Schools and parents need to be partners in education. Many studies have shown that parent involvement and cooperation between parents and schools lead to better outcomes. Placing multiples together simply because it is the desire of the family makes for a better relationship with that family.
9. The teacher is better equipped to understand each individual child when they are placed together. The twin / multiple relationship is a significant part of their lives and a significant influence on their ability to learn. By having the children together, the teacher can better understand the relationship and its impacts on each child. If one child becomes ill, the teacher can better understand his twin’s behavior and ability to concentrate. 
10. Separation has an impact on behavior, progress, and reading abilities.  A recent study (2003, Tully/Moffitt/Caspi/Taylor/Kiernan/Andreou) shows that separating twins in the early elementary years results in significantly more teacher-rated internalizing problems and lower reading scores. (Read the Study: What Effect Does Classroom Separation Have on Twins’ Behavior, Progress at School, and Reading Abilities? )

Part Three of Twins and Multiples in School — Same Classroom or Separate? will discuss reasons to separate twins or multiples in school.

• Part 1: Twins and Multiples in School — Same Classroom or Separate?
• Part 3: Twins and Multiples in School — 8 Reasons to Separate Twins

Copyright 2009 Kathryn Whiteley – http://twinParenthood.com