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What can you do if your school does not consult you in placing your twins, triplets or higher order multiples?

Many schools are now consulting the parents when making decisions about placement of twins, triplets, and higher order multiples. But what should you do if they either do not consult you, or if they make a decision contrary to your request?

School bus brings 'em home

Today, in part 5 of our series, “Twins and Multiples in School – Together or Separate?” We’ll take a look at options for what to do when your children are placed differently than you feel would be best.

1. Option 1: Accept the decision. Although the placement might not be what you originally desired, take the time to review all the benefits of the placement and re-evaluate your position. Perhaps you will choose to make the best of the placement. Consider any other circumstances that you might have previously overlooked or which might be newly introduced. For example, maybe you feel that pressing your position might damage your relationship with the school or educators. Some of the previous articles in this series may be helpful in your evaluation.
   • Part 1: Twins and Multiples in School — Same Classroom or Separate?
   • Part 2: Twins and Multiples in School — 10 Reasons to Place Twins Together
   • Part 3: Twins and Multiples in School — 8 Reasons to Separate Twins
2. Option 2: Submit a formal request. If you did not previously submit a written request for placement together or separately, you might wish to do that now. If you didn’t let them know your preference, it is unfortunate if they did not consult you — but perhaps they would honor your request if they knew of your preference.
3. Option 3: Further press your position. If you previously submitted a request, but they chose to place your multiples differently than you requested, you might choose to further press your position, or at least request an explanation.

Steps to consider if you choose to further pursue an alternative placement for your twins or multiples in the classroom.

• Ask to see the written policy. Does an official policy exist? Or is the school more flexible? Many schools have a common, or even a strictly enforced practice — but no official policy one way or the other. Be aware that policy and/or practice can exist at the school district level, or at the individual school level.
• Investigate if any laws have been passed in your area regarding placement of multiples in the classroom. Many states have passed laws or have pending legislation.
• Research your position. If you have not already done so, conduct your own research to support your case. Our series, “Twins and Multiples in School — Same Classroom or Separate?” can help get you started.
• Provide specific feedback about your twins / multiples and what factors lead you to request one way or the other. Write out a formal request.
• Obtain written professional opinions to submit (pediatrician, psychologist, caregivers, etc.) in support of your position.
• Request a meeting to present your position and to understand their perspective.

Regardless of the final outcome, it is important to remember that a good working relationship with your children’s educators is important to their success in school. Next year will bring a new opportunity to achieve the placement you desire. Do keep in mind that you will need to conduct a new assessment each year, as the factors will no doubt have changed as your multiples grow and mature.

Copyright 2009 Kathryn Whiteley – http://twinParenthood.com

Copyright 2009 Kathryn Whiteley – http://twinParenthood.com

I’m amazed how frequently we are asked “Which twin was born first?” 

In the early months and years with twins, triplets, or higher order multiples, people “ooo and ahh” over them. Many will ask, “Are they twins?” and comment “You’ve really got your hands full”. But as my twins have grown older, we are asked more and more often, “Who was born first?”. As I have watched the competition between my children grow as they get older, I have contemplated the impact of this question upon my multiples.

When I was asked to write a guest post for Mad About Multiples, the official blog of Gemini Crickets Parent of Multiples Club of Silicon Valley, I knew what subject I wanted to write about.

Of all the questions twin, triplet, or higher order multiples’ parents receive with fairly regular frequency, this question, “Who was born first?” is one that can impact the kids’  relationship with each other, within the family,  and on their self esteem.  On the surface, it seems like an innocent enough question – doesn’t it? When they’re infants, they can’t understand the question or the answer and it’s no big deal – right? But, what about when they are little bit older and beginning to understand conversations around them? It is my belief that knowing the answer, and hearing the question asked can make everyone but the first born feel inferior.

Read more on my guest post at Gemini Crickets–>

Please take this week’s survey about when you learned you were expecting twins:

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Thanks for your participation!

Copyright 2009 Kathryn Whiteley – http://twinParenthood.com

Every new school year, multiples parents face one of the most important decisions effecting their twins, triplets, or higher order multiples’ education and mental well being. Should they be placed in the same classroom? or be separated?

In this article, Part 4 in our series on “Twins and Multiples in School — Together or Separate”, we’ll talk about helpful steps to ensure you are making an informed decision.

1. Begin your annual evaluation in early spring each year. Schools often require parent input forms to be completed in Spring for the following school year.
2. Gather information about the reasons to keep twins / multiples together or to separate them in the classroom. Evaluate your multiples for each item on the lists. How do they measure up?
   • Part 1: Twins and Multiples in School — Same Classroom or Separate?
   • Part 2:Twins and Multiples in School — 10 Reasons to Place Twins Together
   • Part 3: Twins and Multiples in School — 8 Reasons to Separate Twins
3. Seek input from many different sources who have been involved in the care-giving or education of your twins / multiples.
   • teachers (current, past, special classes / sunday school, etc.)
   • caregivers, babysitters, etc.
   • family
   • Professionals from whom your multiples have received services (such as psychologists, pediatrician, tutors, and/or school specialists)
4. What are their perceptions? Try to ensure you are listening to their input rather than adding your own perspective.  Children often behave differently in the various environments in their world. How they behave in class can be significantly different from their behavior in your home.
   • are your little ones outgoing, or shy?
   • play only with each other? or with other kids?
   • is one more dominant than the other(s)?
5. Consult your multiples. What do they want? Do they want to be together in class? or to be separated? Often they have insight into their own relationship and need to feel that they had input into the decision (especially true for older children).
6. Obtain information from potential educators.  What is their policy (or practice) on twins/multiples? Why? It is important to understand the reasons for their position, so that you can respond accordingly.
   • school principal
   • school administrators
   • school counselors
   • administrators of the school district
7. Document your preference in writing for the school, providing bullet points supporting your request. Also make note of any factors that might indicate the alternative position, along with possible solutions for how those circumstances can be mitigated or minimized. Presenting a well researched and thought out position will increase the chances that the placement of your twins will be carefully considered by school administrators. 

Taking the time to make a careful evaluation will pay off in enhanced learning opportunities for your twins / multiples.  As the dynamics change, a new evaluation is necessary each and every year. The reasons you based your decision upon last year might no longer apply.

The next article in this series, part 5, will discuss what to do if your twins or multiples’ placement is contrary to your wishes, or you are not consulted in the decision.

Read the full series:

• Part 1: Twins and Multiples in School — Same Classroom or Separate?
• Part 2:Twins and Multiples in School — 10 Reasons to Place Twins Together
• Part 3: Twins and Multiples in School — 8 Reasons to Separate Twins

Copyright 2009 Kathryn Whiteley – http://twinParenthood.com