TwinParenthood.com

As with singletons, it is normal for twins, triplets or more to go through phases where they are frightened of the dark, or wake up in the night upset, crying, afraid, or in “need” of something from you.  But since it is often associated with developmental stages, it can be more difficult for parents of multiples because often times more than one child is struggling in the night at the same time.  Sometimes one upset child will wake up another, making things more difficult and complicated to resolve.

Babies and toddlers understand our words more than we think sometimes. Talking about it always helps. Several things helped in our house:

1. There is a great book, titled “Owl Babies” by Martin Waddell.
   It’s about baby owls that awaken in the night and their mother is gone. They worry about what will happen to her and then her return reassures them. You can read the book (over and over and over and over) and talk about how it is normal for mommies (and daddies) to not be there when they wake up in the night.
2. The “wake up light”. This is a light that comes on when it is time to get up in the morning. You hook up a night-light on a timer. When it is sleep time, the light is OFF… when it is okay to get up, the light comes on. How does this help? In the middle of the night, when they awaken and cry, you can come into their room.. point at the light and say in a reassuring voice, “the wake up light is not on, time for sleep”.  Check back for a more extensive article on how to set up and use the wake up light system — coming soon.
3. The bedtime talk.  At bedtime, we always talk about what to do if they wake up in the night. “Think about why you woke up… are you cold? pull up the blankets (practice)… are you hot? take off a blanket (practice)… do you wonder if it is morning yet? check the wake up light (practice – point to the light)… snuggle into your bed, close your eyes, snuggle up with lovey, etc.” Although this conversation is about what happens in the middle of the night, it is reassuring and helps with the bedtime routine, too. Have this conversation every night — for months.
4. Twin-to-twin comfort. Are the beds close together? Can the kids touch each other? After the three above things were in place, one night we said, “Tonight we’re going to go out and you’re going to go to sleep with your lovey. Reach over and hold hands with sister / brother. Isn’t that nice? You’ll be together just like the owl babies!”
5. Consistent bedtime routine. Every night we’d use the exact same words as the last things we’d say when leaving the room. This routine was reassuring… they knew what was going to happen: mom and dad would go out and not come back until the morning — when the wake up light comes on. Be sure you are there when the morning light comes on. Say something like “Night-night, sweet dreams, I love you, see you when the wake up light comes on!” all very sing-song. And then, don’t get pulled back in. Make sure you have done EVERYTHING before you say these words. If you go back, it undermines the routine and they learn “delays” as they get older… “wait! I need a drink!”… “wait! I need a kiss!” Decide what things you will do for them each night. Then make sure you do all of them… try to do it in the same order each night. If you decide you are going to add something to the routine, add it at the beginning — not as the last thing. Adding it at the front end keeps the rhythm and shouldn’t trigger the idea that more things can be added at the end.

I hope these ideas spark some ideas that might help at your house.  What else has worked for you? Please leave a comment — help out another struggling parent.~

Copyright 2009 – TwinParenthood.com / Kathryn Whiteley

* I was not compensated for the mention of this book. It is a personal recommendation only.

Daylight Savings Time impacts twin babies’ schedules

As yet another “Daylight Savings Time” change approaches, I am reminded what a nightmare it can be for families with young twins, triplets, or more.  My kids were very early risers.  No matter what time we put them to bed, they would get up extremely early. Toss in a time change and we were in trouble. So, I’ve put together some tips as you move towards a time change, that can help ease the transition.

1. A week before the time change, begin putting your babies to bed 15 minutes earlier each night (or later depending which direction the time change is moving). 
2. If you do not already use a “wake up” light, begin using one.  A “wake up” light is simply a night-light that you have plugged into a timer. Except, this night-light is off all night.  When it is the desired wake up time, the light comes on.  Place the light up high so that the babies can see the light from their cribs or beds.  Choose a night-light that is not so bright that it will wake the babies if they are sleeping.  The idea of the “wake up” light is to train your child that when the light is off, it is time for sleep. When it is on, it is okay to get up (or to call for Mommy or Daddy).   Check out our article series on the “wake up” light (aka the “morning light”).  These timers can be purchased at home improvement stores.
3. Depending where you live, you might want to invest in black out shades. These shades are marvelous.  Babies naturally begin to wake when the room lightens in the morning.  These shades block the light out so babies can continue to sleep.  JC Penny is a good source for ordering (no, I have not been compensated for listing them as a resource).

Taking these steps will help your twins, triplets, or higher order multiples to adjust to the new time.  But, even without using any gradual methods, most babies will adjust within a couple of days when making a time change “cold turkey”.

Copyright 2009 – twinParenthood.com / Kathryn Whiteley

If there is one major thing lacking in families with twins, triplets, or more, it is time.

I often wish I had more time to give to my kids. And of course, with twins, there is the added need for individual time.  One-on-one time is what twins crave.

So how do you do it? How do you make sure each twin or higher order multiple is getting their share of one-on-one time?

You must be deliberate about it. You have to plan for it.

If you “just”  have twins, the old “divide and conquer” method is fabulous. Dad takes one twin, Mom takes the other, and off you go to run your errands. Each child is getting one-on-one time with a parent, and your errands are getting done twice as fast than if you go do them as a family.

Some will argue this is not “quality” time, and that is true. But it is still time spent where the child is ”just” a child for a little while — and not a twin. There is a big benefit for the child in doing every day activities where they are without their twin for a bit.

But what if you have more than “just” twins? It starts to get complicated quickly and keeping track to make sure everyone is getting their share is painful.

In our house, we established a chart for each parent.  Down the side we placed each child’s name, a repeating pattern down the page.  We added columns for “Date of Trip” and “Where They Went”.  A simple chart.  Each time a child goes somewhere alone with mom or dad, we jot a quick note on the chart. 

This chart has eliminated so many arguments! The kids no longer bicker over who gets to go with Mom or Dad — they just run over to the chart to see “who’s up”.

Over time, you can review the chart to see how often you are actually making time for individual trips with each kid. Sometimes it is shocking to see how long it has been since we went somewhere alone with any of ours. Having it in black and white, we are confronted with the fact that we are not doing well, and then we can again be deliberate about making it happen.

Of course, we also make sure each kid is getting their share of quality outings alone with Mom or Dad. But we save those for extra special rewards. Most of our quality outings are family outings – and that’s what we prefer — a strong family.

Copyright 2009 – twinParenthood.com / Kathryn Whiteley

How about you? What do you do to make sure each twin is getting alone, one-on-one time with Mom & Dad?

Umbrella Stroller Connectors magically turn twins into singletons, and then back into twins again.

Parents of twins, triplets, or more often become experts on the best stroller to buy. Over the years, I’ve used many different types of strollers.  And I have to say, one of my absolute favorites is the simple, single, umbrella stroller. 

I always kept two single umbrella strollers in the back of my van.  But, these little strollers need extra  equipment to make them really the cat’s meow of strollers – stroller connectors. 

Umbrella stroller connectors are little clips that you use to hook two (or more) umbrella strollers together.  If you’ve ever tried stroller connectors, you may have found it cumbersome to push the strollers because they will crash together if you try to grasp the outermost handle from each stroller. The magic trick with using the stroller connectors, is to just push one of the strollers and let the other stroller trailer behind the first stroller.

Umbrella strollers and stroller connectors are the only way to go when traveling with twins or more. These are most convenient for airports and crowded tourist areas.  When you’re with another adult, you can split the two strollers and go separate ways. Later, when you reunite with your travel companion, you can reconnect the strollers. 

Or, are you simply tired of all the “Are they twins?” questions? Simply have each adult push a separate stroller and the questions quickly subside to a dull roll.

Umbrella strollers with connectors are a must have for traveling with twins, for convienience (lightweight, always having a stroller in your vehicle), and to short circuit all the twins / multiples questions. I highly recommend them.

Copyright 2009 – twinParenthood.com / Kathryn Whiteley

I have not been compensated in any way for this review — course I never mentioned any brands, anyway, now did I?

Anyone with twins, triplets, or more, knows how difficult it is to take a break. Life with multiples is just tough – and leaving them in someone else’s care is hard. When you have intimate knowledge of how difficult, tiring, and crazy it is to take care of twins for a full day or two, you are limited in your abilities to just get away and leave someone else to the pain of everyday life. Please don’t get me wrong – I love my kids very much, but they are a handful.

So, when the opportunity to head to LA for a twitter party on the set of CBS’ hit show, “Accidentally on Purpose” came along, we jumped at the chance while we scrambled to line up childcare. We are incredibly blessed to have my mother living nearby, and despite her age (80) she is more than willing to watch our “zoo”. She has been an integral part of our twin parenthood. Fortunately, she is healthy and more than capable – but we still didn’t want to overburden her. So we planned to make it a quick trip.

Flying out of Seattle on Friday morning at 0-dark thirty brought us to LA in time to hit Universal Studios before our twitter party at 4:00. Universal Studios in the off season can’t be beat. We were able to hit 2 attractions (Shrek 4-D, and The Mummy) with no wait, before hustling off to Studio City. We planned to arrive early because the first thing on the agenda was to meet the cast (something we didn’t want to miss).

Upon arrival, Security stopped us, saying we weren’t “on the list”. They asked us to exit the parking garage and call our studio contact person. Our early arrival at the studio melted away as we made one desperate call after another. Apparently, my “fast food curse” was spreading. Every single time we eat fast food, my order is always messed up – something left off, the wrong thing in the bag, you name it. And now, it was spreading to other areas of my life. Argh!!

Fortunately, our studio host, Mitch, came through for us – and we made it on the lot. Our first stop was a fantastic dinner buffet where we ate dinner with the cast from the show. Each of the actors took the time to come sit with all of us “twitter folk”. What a classy group they are — really interesting to talk with, and willing to share their opinions and time.

After our meal, we invaded the writer’s room. Now there’s my dream job. I would love to write for a tv show – but, alas, I’m just not as funny as that talented group. While we all chatted with the writers, we got to learn more about the awesome group of bloggers in our group. It is truly inspiring to hear about all the unique things happening in the blogosphere. And yet, that diversity can all come together for a twitter party on the set of Accidentally On Purpose. Humor is universal. We enjoyed the banter and noticed several of the writers taking notes. We hope to see some jokes on the show that we can trace back to those conversations.

Next stop was the set, where we enjoyed watching the filming of the show. We were surprised and pleased to be able to tour the set and watch behind the cameras as several scenes were filmed. The actors continued to be friendly and would come up and chat between takes. Jenna Elfman was amazing. Always friendly and tolerant of all the pictures being snapped of her and her sweet son.

I have to admit that I wasn’t sold on Accidentally On Purpose before our trip. I’ve always liked Jenna Elfman, but the concept was a bit disturbing to me. A tv show that trivializes the importance of having a baby – by treating it as comedy and featuring a single woman who had a one night stand with a much younger man, was going to have to show me some redeeming moral messages before I was going to endorse it.

And that is exactly what they have done. These characters are coming to realize the importance of their situation. And while the circumstances of their lives are the fodder for comedy, each show has, so far, managed to bring the characters full circle as they think twice about perpetuating the mistakes that put them in this situation in the first place.

So… bottom line… my fantastic trip to the set of Accidentally On Purpose, meeting the cast, and the writers’ decision to let the sobering idea of having a baby really have an impact on the characters lifestyle choices has made me a fan of the show. If they stay the course, I’ll remain a fan of the show. Thank you for a great time and a funny show, Accidentally On Purpose. You’ve earned a fan in me.

Copyright 2009 – twinParenthood.com / Kathryn Whiteley

Membership in a twins (or multiples) support group connects you to terrific resources for both new and seasoned multiples parents.

Learning you are having twins, triplets, or more is very exciting, yet overwhelming news. You quickly realize that you have a lot to do to prepare, and yet, you don’t know where to begin. For others, they’ve been in the trenches a while, but feel the isolation that sometimes comes with the day in and day out care of young multiples. That is where a twins / multiples support group shines.

Top 10 Reasons to Join a Twins / Multiples Support Group

1. Information. For most twins clubs, their primary mission is to educate their members. This is the place to come to learn what you need to do to care for twins, triplets, or more, of all ages.
2. Understanding. No one can relate to the challenges of having multiples like another family who has “been there done that.”
3. Connections. Having multiples is sometimes isolating. Parents of multiples often have their heads down, grinding it out, for at least the first six months. A multiples group can go a long ways to relieving that feeling of isolation.
4. Web Resources. Many twin clubs have vibrant online communities. This allows parents to take part with others in all seasons of twin parenthood (some who have been there done that… some who are currently struggling in the first few months).
5. Consignment Sale. Often twins groups feature a consignment sale or clothing exchange. These are especially helpful when making your first investment in equipment for raising your multiples. After you’ve moved on, you can select those items in good working condition, clean them up, and pass them along to another family.



6. Playdates. Twins clubs often feature age related playgroups. These are great for the kids, but are fabulous for the moms (and dads) — to begin making those connections with other multiples families.
7. Member Meetings. Twins groups offer monthly support meetings, where you can interact with other members, and which often feature guest speakers on topics pulled from the struggles of raising twins.
8. Direct Support. Many twins groups have multi layered direct support programs — such as:
   • Meals provided for new families or those in crisis.
   • A “Preemie Closet” — loans of preemie sized clothing so that parents do not need to run out and buy these tiny clothes that are used for such a short time until these tiny babies grow into a normal newborn size. 
   • Mentoring Program — experienced multiples parents paired up with new multiples parents.
9. Events. Twins clubs have great events — where those attending know what it is like, and people are ready to give a helping hand. Moms know that it is difficult to watch all the kids at once, so everyone watches out for each other’s kids:
   • Moms’ Activities: book club, get acquainted tea, holiday dinner, mom’s night out
   • Dad’s Activities: poker night, sports, dad’s night out
   • Family Activities: picnics, parties (harvest, holiday, spring egg hunt, etc.), camping, social events for school aged kids
   

   Twins Club Event - Family Hike

10. Lending Libraries. Typically, a twins / multiples support group has a lending library of books on raising multiples. Often, volunteers bring the books to monthly support meetings where parents can browse the titles and bring something home — without making an extra trip to the bookstore.

Joining a twins / multiples group is a no-brainer. Cost is usually very reasonable for a full years worth of activities and support. You can choose where and when you will take part. As with anything, the more active you are — the more benefits you will receive in the form of friendships and support. What’s holding you back? The time to join is now (especially if you’ve just learned you are expecting).

There are great resources online to find a local twins / multiples club in your area, such as the National Organization of Mothers of Multiples (NOMOTC.org). Or, just begin a search for “twins club” or “moms of multiples”.