Multiple Multiples. It could happen to YOU!

All parents of twins and multiples know the standard set of questions that we get asked over and over. One of the old standards is, “Are you done now?”

Many parents of twins answer the same way. I think we’re done, but wouldn’t mind having another — while inwardly the fear is lurking. If we tried to have another, would we have multiples again? How would we survive?

This lackadaisical outlook is what led us to become pregnant the second time around.  Normally, I would say that having a child is a serious matter and should only be undertaken with deliberate intent.  And yet, we all know someone who got pregnant without the intent to do so.  That would be me.

We made the assumption, because we had a significant amount of help and it took us 6 years to get pregnant, that we were “safe” from getting pregnant! A small part of me said to myself that if it did happen it would be great anyway. Well, it did happen, and in a big way.  And yes, it was great anyway.

Over the years, there are so many stories I’ve heard about how this happened to someone they know. The biggest story I’ve been told so far goes like this:

A friend of my mother-in-law said she knew a family that adopted twins. A couple of years later the adoption agency contacted them with another set of twins that needed placement. Would they consider? After thinking long and hard they agreed. Shortly after the arrival of the 2nd set of twins, the woman became pregnant with triplets!

Life with two sets of twins was extremely hard in the first few years. It is almost like labor — you know how that is… you know it was painful but you really don’t remember the pain. You know it was difficult, but it is somewhat of a blur.  We know there are many things we missed when the babies were young. We were just in the trenches — living hour to hour, minute to minute.

Bottom line is this… do be deliberate about having children.  Do plan ahead.  And, even if you do (plan ahead), God can throw you a curve. So remember to just go with the flow — and you will come out the other side.  Things do get easier. It’s all relative. Having one baby is tough, having multiples is tough, and having multiple multiples is tough. But, what a blessing.

One fun aspect of parenting twins is choosing twin baby names. Some parents agonize over the decision — while some have no trouble at all. There are several philosophies to choosing twin baby names (or, as we we like to call them “twinfants” names). But, you need not worry, no matter your philosophy, you’ll eventually settle on something that will be perfect for your little sweethearts.

How to Choose Baby Names for Twins

1. Family Names.  Some parents of multiples will use the opportunity to honor those special to the family (family members, ancestors, friends).  This is a great chance to do that as there are multiple children, and thus multiple names  – so that you do not have to choose which family member to honor first. 
2. Same Initials.  Another option is to name the babies so that all the names in the twins, triplets, or higher order multiples ”set” begin with the same letter.  Some examples:  Aiden & Addison, Brandon & Bryon, and Jacob & Joshua.  Thinking ahead, one pitfall to naming a set of multiples with the same initials is for labeling possessions such as clothing, sippy cups, etc. If they all have the same initials — you’ll have to do a bit more writing.  But, this is a minor inconvenience and may not deter you if you like the idea or the sound of the names together.
3. Birth Order.  Typically hospitals will assign a letter to your babies as they are born (A, B, C, etc.).  Multiples parents have been known to stick with the letter assigned to each.  Examples: A-Abigail, B-Brenden, C-Caleb, etc.
4. Sound Alike or Rhyming.  Many sets of twins are named based on similar sounding names.  Some popular examples: Jayden & Jordan, Ethan & Evan, and Taylor & Tyler, or rhyming names Zoe & Chloe.   Parents need to be aware, though, of a danger with rhyming names. Outside of the immediate family, it can already be difficult to distinguish between identical twins. Having rhyming names can add to the difficulty and be frustrating to teachers and other significant players in your twins lives.
5. Meaningful Names.  Twins are often named to reflect family values or are symbolic in some way to the family.  Examples: Faith & Hope, Jacob & Joseph, Austin & Denver.  Or, maybe you’ll want to choose names that have a similar or complimentary meaning in another ancient language.  Examples: Duke & Dean (which both mean “leader” in French).
6. Complimentary or Harmonious.  Sometimes we just like the way the names sound together. It is appealing the way the twins’ names roll off your tongue. For instance: Madison & Morgan, Olivia & Sophia, Ava & Emma.
7. Same Complexity.  Twin names often sound better together when they have the same number of syllables.  For example, Jessica & Samantha, and Tom & Jo.
8. Stand Alone. Probably the easiest method of all is to simply choose names that you like, and don’t worry about how they sound together. Some would even argue that this is the “best” way to do it because it promotes individuality.

Many resources can help with choosing names for your twins. Tons of books of baby names have been written over the years, and many baby related website have lists and pages of baby names.  One such resource that I think is especially helpful is the Social Security Administration’s list of Popular Baby Names and Popular Names of Twins.  These lists are updated annually, showing the most popular names for the prior year.

Try on names for a while. Write them out. Then, ask friends and family what they think.  But, if you’re like me, maybe you want to keep the names a secret among your friends and family.  If so, another great option is to ask for advice from online twins communities and/or twins support groups. Many great communities exist and typically, your friends and family are not members.

Finally, it is important to keep in mind that no matter what names you choose for your twins, triplets, or higher order multiples, there will always be those that think you should have chosen something else. Most people will be supportive, but there will be those that will be insistent in presenting their “perfect” names for your little ones.  Take it all in, mull it over, and above all, just have fun finding your perfect names.

Copyright 2010 Kathryn Whiteley — TwinParenthood.com

Expecting Twins?

Learning that you are expecting twins is both exciting, and a little frightening. Most parents expecting twins really have no idea what to expect. From the pregnancy onward, you’re in for some big changes.

So, here is the “critical, need-to-know information” about your twin pregnancy:

FACT 1:

Because twin pregnancies are classified as “high risk”, you will receive more ultrasounds and tests than an average singleton pregnancy to ensure the babies (and mom) are staying healthy.

• higher rate of miscarriage
• higher rate of maternal anemia
• higher rate of postpartum hemorrhage (bleeding) after delivery
• higher risk of developing gestational diabetes
• higher risk of preeclampsia (high blood pressure, protein in the urine, and sometimes swelling in feet, legs, and hands)
• higher risk of preterm labor and delivery

Advice:

1. Seek out an Obstetrician that specializes in high risk pregnancies, or see a perinatologist.
2. Visit your Obstetrician early in your pregnancy, be diligent about keeping all dr visits.

FACT 2:

Your twin pregnancy may leave you with more of the discomforts associated with pregnancy.

• – morning sickness may be stronger in the 1st trimester
• – back aches, heartburn, and sleepless nights might be worse and begin earlier than in singleton pregnancies
• – more spotting can occur
• – Moms pregnant with twins should expect to gain between 35 – 50 pounds

Advice:

1. Get regular exercise, but don’t overdo it — especially later in the pregnancy.
2. Do not underestimate the need for extra rest and sleep.
3. Get a body pillow to use between your knees for more support.
4. Be sure to eat enough to nourish the babies — there will be time to take off the weight later.
5. A small amount of spotting early in the pregnancy without cramping can be normal, but you should still inform your doctor. If spotting with cramping or heavier bleeding or clots happens — seek immediate medical advice.

FACT 3:

Your pregnancy will require “more” of your body’s resources.

• And, you’ll need to eat more, too. You’ll need to eat an additional 500 – 1000 calories per day.  And protein is critical, you’ll need an additional 35-50 grams beginning around week 20. In total, you’ll need about 150 – 170 grams.
• You definitely will need a good prenatal vitamin with iron. Some vitamins/minerals/supplements will require a higher dosage — including folic acid. Talk to your doctor about the proper vitamins and dosage for you.
• The babies will draw calcium out of your bones & teeth if you are not taking enough in to support the twin pregnancy.

Advice:

1. Be sure to ask your doctor about the need for vitamins and supplements.
2. Make a note on your daily calendar when you have taken your vitamins, so that you will not forget.
3. Drink more milk, and eat yogurt, peanut butter, and fish. These provide more protein, and the milk & yogurt add much needed calcium.  Do be careful, though, about the types of seafood you eat, as you’ll want to avoid those species that have been found to be high in mercury. Learn more about the FDA and EPA’s recommendations for pregnant women: http://www.epa.gov/fishadvisories/advice/
4. Eat small meals, but much more often. You might find that you are not hungry — either due to morning sickness, heartburn, or just feeling full because of the babies pressing on your stomach. But, getting enough calories to support the babies is crucial. Eating protein rich foods is helpful.

FACT 4:

Chances are greater than not that you will be put on bed rest at some time during your pregnancy. And, labor/delivery are more likely to come early.

• Most moms of twins go into labor at 36 to 37 weeks (40 is the norm for singletons).
• Bed rest comes in various degrees. It can range from a modified bed rest (where the doctor simply instructs you to get off your feet whenever possible), to strict at home bed rest where you can only get up to use the toilet, to hospital bed rest.

Advice:

1. Have all your baby preparations completed no later than the 30th week of pregnancy (nursery set up, etc.). Even if you are not placed on bed rest, you will likely be too tired to complete preparations much later than 30 weeks.
2. Discuss with your doctor his/her thoughts about working during your pregnancy and if or when you should stop.
3. Drink a lot of water. Then drink some more.  More water is needed to support the increase in volume of blood. Dehydration is one cause of preterm labor.
4. For tips on how to survive bed rest, read TwinParenthood.com’s article, “Surviving Bed Rest in your Twin Pregnancy.”

FACT 5:

You are more likely to have a C-section.

• There is a higher rate of babies in the breech position.
• There is more incidence of “failure to progress” during labor, as the uterus muscles are often too stretched out to muster a coordinated effort.

Advice:

Think about your wishes for your birth plan before you are admitted to the hospital, but plan to be flexible. Don’t go into it saying, “I’ll be so upset if I have to have a C-section.”

FACT 6:

People (even strangers) are more likely to ask you personal, probing questions about your pregnancy. People are just very interested in multiples.

Advice:

Join a Twins or Multiples Support Group or “Club”. No one can relate to a mom pregnant with twins better than a mom who has “been there, done that”.   Also, you’ll be needing to get a lot of “stuff”, but most of it doesn’t need to be new. These groups often have huge sales where you can stock up.  Still unsure? Check out TwinParenthood.com’s article, “Top Ten Reasons to Join a Twins / Multiples Support Group or Club

Try to keep in mind that people are just interested in multiples, decide how much you want to reveal, and always answer with a smile. To see the humorous side of this, read our article, “Out and About with Twins — when does the carnival end?“.

A twins or higher order multiples pregnancy can be a challenge.  But, by seeking advice early, and following the doctor’s instructions, you can ensure the healthiest outcome possible. There is much you can do to prepare for the coming changes in your life. Research at TwinParenthood.com is a great start.

Copyright 2010 Kathryn Whiteley — TwinParenthood.com

What have I missed? I’d love to hear more facts and advice about twin pregnancies from all you twin moms & dads. Please leave a comment.

Expecting Twins? Have Questions?

Today, TwinParenthood.com is very excited to announce a new service available to new parents of twins and those expecting twins.  Starting today, parents expecting twins, or those with twin infants (or as we like to call them, “twinfants”), can submit up to five questions to TwinParenthood.com, and receive a personalized answer.  This new service is free for a limited time.

Your questions can be about anything twin related. 

• Equipment to buy
• Nursery set up
• Bringing twins home
• Sibling Issues
• Pregnancy Questions
• Managing the Nights (or the days!)
• You name it

To submit your questions, please visit our Expecting Twins page.  Hope to hear from you soon!

Bed rest in a multiples pregnancy is very common. Don’t be alarmed.

When you are on bed rest, it is very important to follow your doctor’s instructions. You’ll want to do everything possible to keep those babies in utero as long as possible.

In most cases, your doctor will want you to stop many “normal, everyday” activities.  Some things you’ll want to ask about:

• Picking up older children
• Driving
• Walking
• Stairs
• Shower (or Bath)
• Cooking
• Sitting upright
• Light Chores
• Sexual Intercourse
• Exercise

Make “Bed Rest Buddies”

After gaining an understanding from your doctor about what you can or should not do, you’ll want to connect with other multiples moms also on bed rest. There are some great website communities for women on bed rest. A fantastic resource is sidelines.org. Connecting with others on bed rest can be an emotional lifesaver. Also, often times these bed rest buddies develop into lasting friendships as you and your pals raise your multiples.

Prepare for Bed rest

Set up a bed rest station in your main living area.  Some things you’ll want within arms reach:

• laptop with internet connection
• snacks
• water and other drinks
• pencil / paper
• books and magazines
• TV remotes

What else can you do? 

• Reconnect with friends
• Get Ready for Babies (Pick names, update your financial records – wills, etc.)
• Read Parenting Books
• Craft Projects
• Work (discuss with your employer options for working from home using your laptop or a telephone)

Being on bed rest can be challenging, but it can also be fun. Like many things in life — it is what you make of it. So take a sunny approach and see what you can get accomplished.

Copyright 2009 Kathryn Whiteley — TwinParenthood.com

Membership in a twins (or multiples) support group connects you to terrific resources for both new and seasoned multiples parents.

Learning you are having twins, triplets, or more is very exciting, yet overwhelming news. You quickly realize that you have a lot to do to prepare, and yet, you don’t know where to begin. For others, they’ve been in the trenches a while, but feel the isolation that sometimes comes with the day in and day out care of young multiples. That is where a twins / multiples support group shines.

Top 10 Reasons to Join a Twins / Multiples Support Group

1. Information. For most twins clubs, their primary mission is to educate their members. This is the place to come to learn what you need to do to care for twins, triplets, or more, of all ages.
2. Understanding. No one can relate to the challenges of having multiples like another family who has “been there done that.”
3. Connections. Having multiples is sometimes isolating. Parents of multiples often have their heads down, grinding it out, for at least the first six months. A multiples group can go a long ways to relieving that feeling of isolation.
4. Web Resources. Many twin clubs have vibrant online communities. This allows parents to take part with others in all seasons of twin parenthood (some who have been there done that… some who are currently struggling in the first few months).
5. Consignment Sale. Often twins groups feature a consignment sale or clothing exchange. These are especially helpful when making your first investment in equipment for raising your multiples. After you’ve moved on, you can select those items in good working condition, clean them up, and pass them along to another family.



6. Playdates. Twins clubs often feature age related playgroups. These are great for the kids, but are fabulous for the moms (and dads) — to begin making those connections with other multiples families.
7. Member Meetings. Twins groups offer monthly support meetings, where you can interact with other members, and which often feature guest speakers on topics pulled from the struggles of raising twins.
8. Direct Support. Many twins groups have multi layered direct support programs — such as:
   • Meals provided for new families or those in crisis.
   • A “Preemie Closet” — loans of preemie sized clothing so that parents do not need to run out and buy these tiny clothes that are used for such a short time until these tiny babies grow into a normal newborn size. 
   • Mentoring Program — experienced multiples parents paired up with new multiples parents.
9. Events. Twins clubs have great events — where those attending know what it is like, and people are ready to give a helping hand. Moms know that it is difficult to watch all the kids at once, so everyone watches out for each other’s kids:
   • Moms’ Activities: book club, get acquainted tea, holiday dinner, mom’s night out
   • Dad’s Activities: poker night, sports, dad’s night out
   • Family Activities: picnics, parties (harvest, holiday, spring egg hunt, etc.), camping, social events for school aged kids
   

   Twins Club Event - Family Hike

10. Lending Libraries. Typically, a twins / multiples support group has a lending library of books on raising multiples. Often, volunteers bring the books to monthly support meetings where parents can browse the titles and bring something home — without making an extra trip to the bookstore.

Joining a twins / multiples group is a no-brainer. Cost is usually very reasonable for a full years worth of activities and support. You can choose where and when you will take part. As with anything, the more active you are — the more benefits you will receive in the form of friendships and support. What’s holding you back? The time to join is now (especially if you’ve just learned you are expecting).

There are great resources online to find a local twins / multiples club in your area, such as the National Organization of Mothers of Multiples (NOMOTC.org). Or, just begin a search for “twins club” or “moms of multiples”.

Saint Bev. That’s what my mother-in-law used to call my mom. She saved us. She gave of herself so unselfishly in those first few months. And she still does — at age 80, she still comes to be with us and help for a few hours a couple of days a week. She is amazing.

But not everyone can have a Saint Bev. In fact, many expectant parents of twins, triplets, or even higher order multiples don’t have a support system in place and don’t realize how much they’ll need one.

That’s where you come in. You don’t have to be a Saint Bev, but you can choose a twin baby shower gift that will contribute to a support system that can save the sanity of new twin parents. And you can still give something darling, soft, and cuddly that they’ll use everyday, too.

Whether you’re throwing the twin baby shower, attending, or are the guest of honor, bringing forward these ideas can make for a twin baby shower that sends the parents-to-be off with some concrete ways they’ll be receiving direct help for facing one of the most difficult seasons of their life.

The Diaper Party. Diaper parties have been around for twin showers for a while. At this shower, every attendee brings a case of newborn diapers. As a fun activity, one of the cases is opened, and attendees write inspiring and supportive messages to mom on the diapers using rainbow colored permanent markers. When mom changes a diaper, she gets an instant (virtual) hug. Make your own “diaper” cake to add to your shower’s theme. (Note: you don’t EAT a diaper cake… they’re made out of diapers!) Some of these are a real work of art!

Twin Help Signups. Create signup sheets for bringing meals, running errands (e.g. groceries), and for being a mother of multiple’s helper.

There are many great online tools available to make signing up to help easy. On Carecalendar.org, a coordinator inputs needs on a calendar, and guests can sign up for tasks and shifts that work for their schedule. If you create one, have a laptop at the shower so guests can signup on the spot. Still, old fashioned pen and paper work just fine.

Guests can signup to bring meals for several weeks after the babies are born. These signup slots should be no more frequent than every other day – as you don’t want the family inundated with leftovers.

Mother’s helper signups are particularly useful after the first couple of weeks. Often times, family and close friends come to help in the first few weeks, and something is needed to fill the gap when initial help drops off. Some don’t have family nearby, so you will want to plan the signups according to the need for this particular twin family. Usually, you can begin scheduling these helper shifts based on the twins’ due date. Since twins are usually early, the timing often works out just right. These can be scheduled out for several months with some guests wanting a regular weekly shift.

If you’re not able to participate in a group signup, make your own coupons to give to mom-to-be, detailing what help you can give (babysitting, errands, mother’s helper, household chores, etc.).

Families of Multiples are in real need of real help. Helpers need to keep in mind that this is not a time to just visit and hold a baby or change a diaper (or two!). It is helpful if the family has a list of tasks that can be performed. And most often, what mom really needs is a nap. Encourage her to do so, but don’t push too hard. She needs to know that you are willing to do what she most wants to get accomplished. If she doesn’t have a list, you can offer to do the dishes, run the vacuum, or even clean a bathroom.

Darling, soft, and cuddly, too. Dillyhearts product review. While giving help to mom is most frequently cited as the “best shower gift” by parents of multiples, we all like to give and receive something darling, soft and cuddly, too. My personal favorites are handmade by dillyhearts. “Personalized super-soft cuddle blankets are a popular twins gift”, says Vickie Erlandsen, mompreneur of Dillyhearts, delightful gifts for babies on the go. “I’ve found that most of my customers prefer to order fun color combos that compliment each other, but are not necessarily an identical match.”

With so many options available, it’s easy to create a one-of-a-kind twins gift set that is ideal for mom-to-be, and will be a huge hit at the baby shower.

Dillyhearts’ personalized minkee toddler pillows have also become a top-selling twins gift. “After participating in celebrity twins First Birthday Gift Baskets for Patrick Dempsey’s boys and Marcia Cross’ girls last year, requests for double-pillow orders started rolling in,” Vickie says. “They’ve become by far my best seller.

Although intended for ages 2 and up, toddler pillow sets also make a fabulous baby shower gift since they can be used by mom as comfy nursing pillows, and are adorable additions to nursery decor until the babies transition safely from crib to toddler bed.”

Other hot sellers for twins are themed bib duos and themed bib & burp sets. To give a twins gift with impact, get creative! What style is the mom-to-be?
– Is she a modern rock ‘n roll mama?
– A trendy mom with funky retro taste?
– An active mom with a passion for baseball?
Find out the little details and your selection will not only stand out among the sea of generic baby gifts, but will be extra-meaningful for the mom-to-be.

Check out all the fun and unique hand-made gifts at www.dillyhearts.com.