Whether you are buying gifts for twins or super-twins (triplets, or higher order multiples)  or buying gifts to be given from twins to someone else, questions abound about twins and gifting.  Parents of twins pretty quickly determine their own twin gifting philosophy, and it is often times those that are not in the immediate family that struggle with what to do.  Those outside the family should not be shy about asking the parents for advice to understand the family’s general twin gifting philosophy.

Gifts for twins

Many questions arise when buying gifts for twins. 

• How can we make sure it is fair?
• How can we make sure they don’t fight over the gifts?
• My child is friends with only one of the twins, are we expected to give gifts to both children?

Same / Same

Probably the easiest (and most common) philosophy when buying gifts for twins is to simply buy the exact same gift for each twin.  This philosophy minimizes the fighting over the object as well as minimizing the comparison in value between different gifts.  On the downside, buying 2 (or more) of the same thing sometimes feels wasteful.  Gift givers often find themselves asking, “if we bought different gifts and they shared, they would get twice as many things.”

A variation on this philosophy is to buy two of the same thing in a slightly different pattern, color, or style.  Twin parents often associate a specific color with each twin when they are young, and not surprisingly, these colors often evolve into the child’s favorite color as they get a little bit older.

Equal Value

Many twin parents feel very strongly that, as individuals, twins should be given individual gifts. This philosophy supports the individualism of twins and holds that each child should be treated separately — as they would be if they were born on different days.

Often the gift givers strive to ensure the gifts are of the same perceived value.  This can provide more variety, and, if the twins are good at sharing, can double the number of unique gifts received by the twins.   The critical point here is that “same perceived value” part. As can be expected, different gifts, even when the exact same dollar amount in purchase, can sometimes be perceived to be of different value by the receivers.

One Big Gift to Share

The third philosophy is to buy one larger gift that the children will share.  This allows the buyer to pool the money they would have spent on individual gifts to buy a gift that might have been out of their price range had then been buying separate gifts.  This method works really well for kids that share really well.

A Gift for just One

A very common question among those invited to a twins party is asked when the child invited is friends with just one of the twins. Is that child expected to buy a gift for both twins? Again, there is no “right” answer. But many parents of twins will say, “no”. You are not expected to buy a gift for both twins, when your child is a friend of only one of the twins. Understandably, it gets a bit stickier when your child is a good friend of one of the twins and more of a casual friend with the other. Each family will have to decide how they want to handle this. Just remember, there isn’t a “right” answer or expected norm. So, whatever you decide to do, you won’t be breaking the unwritten “twin code”.

Gifts from Twins

If you are a parent of twins (triplets, or more), and are buying gifts to be given from your twins to another child, many of the same questions exist, but in reverse. Should I buy one large give from both of my twins? or smaller individual gifts from each twin?  Again, parents tend to choose the philosophy with which they are most comfortable. Interestingly, many parents feel very strongly about their particular philosophy, although clearly this is a matter of opinion and we hope by laying out the options we can help you weigh the considerations to make the decision that is right for you and your family.

Two Individual Gifts

Supporting the individualism of the twins, often twin parents feel it is important for their twins to each give their own gift. Another aspect of this philosophy holds that every other child invited to the party will be bringing their own gifts, and it should be no different for twins.

One Big Gift

Twin parents sometimes enjoy pooling the money they would have spent on buying individual gifts for each of their twins to give, into a more expensive item than they would have otherwise been able to afford to give.  Along with this method, parents sometimes will have their twins each pick out small accessory items to go with the main item — so that they can feel more connected to the gift.

In addition to questions about how many gifts — there are many questions around invitations to parties for twins, and from twins.  But that is a subject for another day. 

Hopefully you weren’t expecting us to tell you the right thing to do — you’ll have to make up your own mind about that.  In all the years of fielding questions from parents of twins and from those without twins,  we have heard many opinions — and there doesn’t really seem to be an overall consensus about what is the “right” way to do it.  You’re on your own on that one. 

So… please leave us a comment to let us know your philosophy about gift giving and twins.  What is your “right” way?

Saint Bev. That’s what my mother-in-law used to call my mom. She saved us. She gave of herself so unselfishly in those first few months. And she still does — at age 80, she still comes to be with us and help for a few hours a couple of days a week. She is amazing.

But not everyone can have a Saint Bev. In fact, many expectant parents of twins, triplets, or even higher order multiples don’t have a support system in place and don’t realize how much they’ll need one.

That’s where you come in. You don’t have to be a Saint Bev, but you can choose a twin baby shower gift that will contribute to a support system that can save the sanity of new twin parents. And you can still give something darling, soft, and cuddly that they’ll use everyday, too.

Whether you’re throwing the twin baby shower, attending, or are the guest of honor, bringing forward these ideas can make for a twin baby shower that sends the parents-to-be off with some concrete ways they’ll be receiving direct help for facing one of the most difficult seasons of their life.

The Diaper Party. Diaper parties have been around for twin showers for a while. At this shower, every attendee brings a case of newborn diapers. As a fun activity, one of the cases is opened, and attendees write inspiring and supportive messages to mom on the diapers using rainbow colored permanent markers. When mom changes a diaper, she gets an instant (virtual) hug. Make your own “diaper” cake to add to your shower’s theme. (Note: you don’t EAT a diaper cake… they’re made out of diapers!) Some of these are a real work of art!

Twin Help Signups. Create signup sheets for bringing meals, running errands (e.g. groceries), and for being a mother of multiple’s helper.

There are many great online tools available to make signing up to help easy. On Carecalendar.org, a coordinator inputs needs on a calendar, and guests can sign up for tasks and shifts that work for their schedule. If you create one, have a laptop at the shower so guests can signup on the spot. Still, old fashioned pen and paper work just fine.

Guests can signup to bring meals for several weeks after the babies are born. These signup slots should be no more frequent than every other day – as you don’t want the family inundated with leftovers.

Mother’s helper signups are particularly useful after the first couple of weeks. Often times, family and close friends come to help in the first few weeks, and something is needed to fill the gap when initial help drops off. Some don’t have family nearby, so you will want to plan the signups according to the need for this particular twin family. Usually, you can begin scheduling these helper shifts based on the twins’ due date. Since twins are usually early, the timing often works out just right. These can be scheduled out for several months with some guests wanting a regular weekly shift.

If you’re not able to participate in a group signup, make your own coupons to give to mom-to-be, detailing what help you can give (babysitting, errands, mother’s helper, household chores, etc.).

Families of Multiples are in real need of real help. Helpers need to keep in mind that this is not a time to just visit and hold a baby or change a diaper (or two!). It is helpful if the family has a list of tasks that can be performed. And most often, what mom really needs is a nap. Encourage her to do so, but don’t push too hard. She needs to know that you are willing to do what she most wants to get accomplished. If she doesn’t have a list, you can offer to do the dishes, run the vacuum, or even clean a bathroom.

Darling, soft, and cuddly, too. Dillyhearts product review. While giving help to mom is most frequently cited as the “best shower gift” by parents of multiples, we all like to give and receive something darling, soft and cuddly, too. My personal favorites are handmade by dillyhearts. “Personalized super-soft cuddle blankets are a popular twins gift”, says Vickie Erlandsen, mompreneur of Dillyhearts, delightful gifts for babies on the go. “I’ve found that most of my customers prefer to order fun color combos that compliment each other, but are not necessarily an identical match.”

With so many options available, it’s easy to create a one-of-a-kind twins gift set that is ideal for mom-to-be, and will be a huge hit at the baby shower.

Dillyhearts’ personalized minkee toddler pillows have also become a top-selling twins gift. “After participating in celebrity twins First Birthday Gift Baskets for Patrick Dempsey’s boys and Marcia Cross’ girls last year, requests for double-pillow orders started rolling in,” Vickie says. “They’ve become by far my best seller.

Although intended for ages 2 and up, toddler pillow sets also make a fabulous baby shower gift since they can be used by mom as comfy nursing pillows, and are adorable additions to nursery decor until the babies transition safely from crib to toddler bed.”

Other hot sellers for twins are themed bib duos and themed bib & burp sets. To give a twins gift with impact, get creative! What style is the mom-to-be?
– Is she a modern rock ‘n roll mama?
– A trendy mom with funky retro taste?
– An active mom with a passion for baseball?
Find out the little details and your selection will not only stand out among the sea of generic baby gifts, but will be extra-meaningful for the mom-to-be.

Check out all the fun and unique hand-made gifts at www.dillyhearts.com.