Getting out and about with twins, triplets or more is a difficult undertaking. But, when you add all the attention it generates, it can be downright draining. Many parents of young twins or higher order multiples ask,
“When does all the attention begin to slacken? When does the Carnival End?”
For most everyone, regardless of your particular multiples, the attention begins to lessen a bit somewhere around age two, and gradually fades as the kids approach school age. By that time, the attention has reduced quite a bit. This is pretty universally true whether you have identicals or fraternals, twins, triplets, or more. The degree to which it reduces is directly related to several factors:
- How alike do your multiples look? Are they identical? Are they fraternal – but look very similar?
- How close in age do they look? Some twins look like one might be older.
- Are they the same height?
- Do they dress alike?
- Are they the same gender?
- How many children do you have in your entourage?
- Are you still using a double, triple or bigger stroller?
For some, the extra attention will be a life long thing. This is true for those with higher order multiples, and for those who look very alike. But, even for those sets of multiples, the attention does slacken as they get older. Older kids just don’t have that universal appeal that babies have.
Many parents of twins struggle to get errands completed in the early years, but love that people recognize how special twins and multiples are. May D, of Lenexa, KS says, “I don’t want to make people feel like they’re irritating me because it [is] nice that people think twins are special. But, it could turn a short run to the grocery store into an hour long trip if I stopped to talk to everyone who says ‘Twins! Oh they’re so cute!‘ ”
In an informal survey conducted on twitter and twinParenthood.com, parents cited the following questions as the most commonly received:
- Are they twins?
- Are they identical?
- Do twins run in your family?
- Are they all yours?
- Who was born first?
- Were you surprised?
- How do you do it?
And the most common comments received:
- You’ve really got your hands full.
- Wow. You’re really busy!
- Twins! How cute!
Many parents are amazed at some of the questions or comments they receive. Some of the more unusual or intrusive:
- Are they natural?
- Did you have a C-section?
- Do you plan to have any more?
- Did you have your tubes tied? / Did your husband have a vasectomy?
- Glad it was you and not me!
And while nearly all parents of twins are occasionally taken aback by the intrusive questions of strangers, most feel that the majority of people are friendly and just curious about multiples. To keep things light and on a positive note, the majority of parents like to respond with funny one-liners delivered in a friendly tone.
- Q: Do twins run in your family?
- Q: Are they twins?
- A: Yep. Buy One, Get One Free!
- Q: Really? Twins? But they look so different!
- A: Yes! Almost like they’re two different people!
- Q: Are they natural?
- A: As opposed to…? or
- A: 100%! or
- A: Nope! They’re plastic, pretty realistic, huh?
- Q: Which was born first?
- A: They’re Twins! or
- A: We’re not sure, we think they were switched at birth!
- Q: How far apart are they?
- Q: Were you surprised?
- A: No, we put in an order for twins!
- Q: Did you use I.V.F.?
Two years goes by so quickly, and soon you will be missing the attention your crew drew when you were out and about. No, really… it’ll happen. So, try to enjoy it and keep the attitude that those with singletons or none at all are just a little jealous of that specialness of multiples.
What about you? What are some of the funny questions, comments, or answers you’ve experienced? Leave us a comment to share your funniest (or most painful).
Every new school year, multiples parents face one of the most important decisions effecting their twins, triplets, or higher order multiples’ education and mental well being. Should they be placed in the same classroom? or be separated?
In this article, Part 4 in our series on “Twins and Multiples in School — Together or Separate”, we’ll talk about helpful steps to ensure you are making an informed decision.
- Begin your annual evaluation in early spring each year. Schools often require parent input forms to be completed in Spring for the following school year.
- Gather information about the reasons to keep twins / multiples together or to separate them in the classroom. Evaluate your multiples for each item on the lists. How do they measure up?
- Seek input from many different sources who have been involved in the care-giving or education of your twins / multiples.
- teachers (current, past, special classes / sunday school, etc.)
- caregivers, babysitters, etc.
- family
- Professionals from whom your multiples have received services (such as psychologists, pediatrician, tutors, and/or school specialists)
- What are their perceptions? Try to ensure you are listening to their input rather than adding your own perspective. Children often behave differently in the various environments in their world. How they behave in class can be significantly different from their behavior in your home.
- are your little ones outgoing, or shy?
- play only with each other? or with other kids?
- is one more dominant than the other(s)?
- Consult your multiples. What do they want? Do they want to be together in class? or to be separated? Often they have insight into their own relationship and need to feel that they had input into the decision (especially true for older children).
- Obtain information from potential educators. What is their policy (or practice) on twins/multiples? Why? It is important to understand the reasons for their position, so that you can respond accordingly.
- school principal
- school administrators
- school counselors
- administrators of the school district
- Document your preference in writing for the school, providing bullet points supporting your request. Also make note of any factors that might indicate the alternative position, along with possible solutions for how those circumstances can be mitigated or minimized. Presenting a well researched and thought out position will increase the chances that the placement of your twins will be carefully considered by school administrators.
Taking the time to make a careful evaluation will pay off in enhanced learning opportunities for your twins / multiples. As the dynamics change, a new evaluation is necessary each and every year. The reasons you based your decision upon last year might no longer apply.
The next article in this series, part 5, will discuss what to do if your twins or multiples’ placement is contrary to your wishes, or you are not consulted in the decision.
Read the full series:
Copyright 2009 Kathryn Whiteley – http://twinParenthood.com
Many twin and multiples parents worry that they’ll have trouble telling their newborn twins, triplets, or higher order multiples apart. Often times, even fraternal twins are hard to distinguish.
And yet, “identical twins” are not completely identical. There are many differences in appearance. Typically, one twin will be narrower in the face — the other rounder. Some identicals are even “mirror image” of each other.
The good news is that most parents quickly learn the subtle physical differences between their twins / multiples, and it is mostly friends and outside family that have difficulty.
Still, there are techniques to make it easier for everyone in your multiples’ lives to tell them apart. Having some of these techniques in place will be especially helpful when part-time caregivers come to your aid.
- Hospital wrist bands. Keep the hospital wrist bands on for a couple of days after returning home.
- Assigned colors. Assign a color to each of your twins, triplets, or higher order multiples.
- Dressing in assigned colors. Purchase clothing in the assigned colors and dress each accordingly. It can be fun to dress twins in matching outfits, differing by assigned color.
- Paint a toenail. An age old, tried and true method to tell newborn twins / multiples apart is to paint a toenail on one or more of the babies (in your chosen assigned color for each, of course). Why a toenail and not a fingernail? When the babies begin to suck their fingers, you can avoid ingestion of the polish.
- Color code your charts. If you keep charts for tracking feedings and sleep schedules, highlight each infant’s chart with their assigned color. (Check back for a future article on the subject of charting your infants’ schedules.)
- Color code your cribs. Choose bedding in the matching assigned colors, and place colored labels with their names over the cribs. If they share a crib, always place each infant under their name on either the left or right.
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Tip: Take lots of pictures when your twins, triplets or higher order multiples are young, but be sure to label them to indicate who is who. Although you might easily tell them apart now, you might have more difficulty when you look back in a few years.
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When our babies were young, we soon were easily able to tell them apart. We tried to take a lot of pictures, but didn’t always have time to go in and label the photos to identify who was who. Big mistake. Now that they are older, we look back at early pictures and often can’t tell them apart! At the time, we were easily able to key in on the differences, but looking back is more difficult. Often times, it is the color coding of the outfits in the pictures that lets us know.
Even with techniques in place, mix-ups can (and do!) happen. The trick is to be extra careful to check your charts and schedules and double-check which baby you’re holding. This can be critical in the case of food allergies, for example. One of our identical girls had a severe allergy to milk, the other not. A mix up did happen once, which resulted in our little sweetie vomiting after her feeding. Fortunately it worked out fine, but was pretty scary for a few hours.
How about you… what have you done to tell your newborn twins apart? Have you ever mixed them up?
