Whether you are buying gifts for twins or super-twins (triplets, or higher order multiples)  or buying gifts to be given from twins to someone else, questions abound about twins and gifting.  Parents of twins pretty quickly determine their own twin gifting philosophy, and it is often times those that are not in the immediate family that struggle with what to do.  Those outside the family should not be shy about asking the parents for advice to understand the family’s general twin gifting philosophy.

Gifts for twins

Many questions arise when buying gifts for twins. 

• How can we make sure it is fair?
• How can we make sure they don’t fight over the gifts?
• My child is friends with only one of the twins, are we expected to give gifts to both children?

Same / Same

Probably the easiest (and most common) philosophy when buying gifts for twins is to simply buy the exact same gift for each twin.  This philosophy minimizes the fighting over the object as well as minimizing the comparison in value between different gifts.  On the downside, buying 2 (or more) of the same thing sometimes feels wasteful.  Gift givers often find themselves asking, “if we bought different gifts and they shared, they would get twice as many things.”

A variation on this philosophy is to buy two of the same thing in a slightly different pattern, color, or style.  Twin parents often associate a specific color with each twin when they are young, and not surprisingly, these colors often evolve into the child’s favorite color as they get a little bit older.

Equal Value

Many twin parents feel very strongly that, as individuals, twins should be given individual gifts. This philosophy supports the individualism of twins and holds that each child should be treated separately — as they would be if they were born on different days.

Often the gift givers strive to ensure the gifts are of the same perceived value.  This can provide more variety, and, if the twins are good at sharing, can double the number of unique gifts received by the twins.   The critical point here is that “same perceived value” part. As can be expected, different gifts, even when the exact same dollar amount in purchase, can sometimes be perceived to be of different value by the receivers.

One Big Gift to Share

The third philosophy is to buy one larger gift that the children will share.  This allows the buyer to pool the money they would have spent on individual gifts to buy a gift that might have been out of their price range had then been buying separate gifts.  This method works really well for kids that share really well.

A Gift for just One

A very common question among those invited to a twins party is asked when the child invited is friends with just one of the twins. Is that child expected to buy a gift for both twins? Again, there is no “right” answer. But many parents of twins will say, “no”. You are not expected to buy a gift for both twins, when your child is a friend of only one of the twins. Understandably, it gets a bit stickier when your child is a good friend of one of the twins and more of a casual friend with the other. Each family will have to decide how they want to handle this. Just remember, there isn’t a “right” answer or expected norm. So, whatever you decide to do, you won’t be breaking the unwritten “twin code”.

Gifts from Twins

If you are a parent of twins (triplets, or more), and are buying gifts to be given from your twins to another child, many of the same questions exist, but in reverse. Should I buy one large give from both of my twins? or smaller individual gifts from each twin?  Again, parents tend to choose the philosophy with which they are most comfortable. Interestingly, many parents feel very strongly about their particular philosophy, although clearly this is a matter of opinion and we hope by laying out the options we can help you weigh the considerations to make the decision that is right for you and your family.

Two Individual Gifts

Supporting the individualism of the twins, often twin parents feel it is important for their twins to each give their own gift. Another aspect of this philosophy holds that every other child invited to the party will be bringing their own gifts, and it should be no different for twins.

One Big Gift

Twin parents sometimes enjoy pooling the money they would have spent on buying individual gifts for each of their twins to give, into a more expensive item than they would have otherwise been able to afford to give.  Along with this method, parents sometimes will have their twins each pick out small accessory items to go with the main item — so that they can feel more connected to the gift.

In addition to questions about how many gifts — there are many questions around invitations to parties for twins, and from twins.  But that is a subject for another day. 

Hopefully you weren’t expecting us to tell you the right thing to do — you’ll have to make up your own mind about that.  In all the years of fielding questions from parents of twins and from those without twins,  we have heard many opinions — and there doesn’t really seem to be an overall consensus about what is the “right” way to do it.  You’re on your own on that one. 

So… please leave us a comment to let us know your philosophy about gift giving and twins.  What is your “right” way?

We all suspected we were seeing more twins, and now a new report released Wednesday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (the CDC) confirms it.  The CDC says that the rate of twin births in the United States continues to rise.  Twin rates had been stable at about 2% of births from about 1915 through the 1970′s.  But beginning in the early 80′s, the rate began to rise. 

One in every 30 infants born in 2009 was a twin.

• The number of twin births more than doubled from 1980 through 2009, rising from 68,339 to more than 137,000 births in each year from 2006 to 2009. In 1980, 1 in every 53 babies born in the United States was a twin, compared with 1 in every 30 births in 2009.

Twinning rates rose by more than 200 percent among women aged 40 and over.

• Twin birth rates increased for women of all ages over the three decades, with the largest increases among women aged 30 and over. From 1980 to 2009, rates increased 76 percent for women aged 30–34, nearly 100 percent for women aged 35–39, and more than 200 percent for women aged 40 and over.
• In 2009, 7 percent of all births to women aged 40 and over were born in a twin delivery compared with 5 percent of births to women aged 35–39, and 2 percent of births to women under age 25. 

Health Implications of Twins

While twin parents everywhere rejoice in their happy but difficult circumstances, the increased rate of twin births does have implications for the health of the mother and the babies.  The rise in the rate of twins, which comprise the majority of multiples (96 percent in 2009), has had an unfavorable impact on key indicators of perinatal health such as rates of preterm birth and low birthweight.

Source:
Martin JA, Hamilton BE, Osterman MJK. Three decades of twin births in the United States, 1980–2009. NCHS data brief, no 80. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics. 2012.

All pregnant women should be aware of the dangers of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). TTTS is a complication of disproportionate blood supply to twin fetuses during pregnancy. It is critical that all women have an early ultrasound to identify if they are having multiples.

World TTTS Awareness Day is an international mobilization effort created by The Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome Foundation to increase awareness of the #1 problem facing multiples. It is crucial for women to get an ultrasound in the first trimester to identify multiples and then to determine whether there is one placenta or two. Women must learn the warning signs of TTTS, the 15 questions to ask at each ultrasound, and the available treatment options. World TTTS Awareness Day is about empowering parents and is filled with messages of Hope, Help and Encouragement. Your babies can make it and be healthy. Don’t ever give up. Please, Get Educated, Get Ultrasounds, Ask Questions, Get Treatment and Get Involved! This day is also a remembrance day for all the babies who have had TTTS. Candles will be lit tonight across the world during the vigil and messages may also be left for your babies through lighting online candles. Please visit their websites to learn more about TTTS.

What is Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome?

• Twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS) is a disease of the placenta (or afterbirth) that affects identical twin pregnancies.
• TTTS affects identical twins (or higher multiple gestations), who share a common monochorionic placenta.
• The shared placenta contains abnormal blood vessels, which connect the umbilical cords and circulations of the twins.
• The common placenta may also be shared unequally by the twins, and one twin may have a share too small to provide the necessary nutrients to grow normally or even survive.
• The events in pregnancy that lead to TTTS – the timing of the twinning event, the number and type of connecting vessels, and the way the placenta is shared by the twins are all random events that have no primary prevention, is not hereditary or genetic, nor is it caused by anything the parents did or did not do. TTTS can happen to anyone.

If you are pregnant, what should you do?

Get Ultrasounds

If you are pregnant, it is critical that you get an ultrasound within the first 3 months. With this ultrasound, you can determine if you are having twins, triplets, or even higher order multiples. As early as 7 weeks of pregnancy, it can be determined if you are having multiples. If the placenta is monochorionic, or single, your pregnancy is at risk for TTTS.

Ask Questions

Once you have identified that you are having twins or higher order multiples, it is imortant that you ask questions at each ultrasound. For multiples, ultrasounds should be performed more frequently than in singleton and lower risk pregnancies. Listed below are the TTTS Foundation’s 15 Most Important Questions to ask at each ultrasound.

Confirm at initial ultrasounds (preferably by 10-16 weeks)

1. Is the placenta monochorionic?
2. Are the babies the same gender?
3. Can you see the dividing membrane?
4. Is the placenta implanted on the anterior or posterior surface of the womb?
5. Do the twins’ umbilical cords each have the normal 3 blood vessels, or does one of them have 2 vessels?
6. Are the umbilical cords fully attached to the placenta?

Questions to ask at weekly ultrasounds (16 weeks to delivery)

1. What is the largest vertical pocket of fluid for each baby?
2. Can you see the bladder of the donor baby?
3. What are the weights of the babies in grams? (every 2-3 weeks)
4. Are the dopplers normal for both babies?
5. Is the heart of the recipient baby enlarged or thickened?
6. Does the recipient baby have hydrops?
7. What is the measurement of your cervix, is it long and closed or thinning or dilated?
8. Is the smaller baby growing at the same rate?
9. What is the fundal height?

Read the explanations for these questions at the TTTS Foundation’s website.

PLEASE, get an early ultrasound to determine if you are carrying multiples. If you are pregnant with twins or higher order multiples, PLEASE ask the questions provided by the TTTS Foundation. It could save your babies’ lives. If you are diagnosed with TTTS, or would like more information, please contact the TTTS Foundation for help, information, and support.

The words Twin-Tuition might make you think ahead to college — but that’s not the subject of tonight’s show  on ABC’s Nightline. 

ABC’s Nightline is starting a new 5 week series called, “Beyond Belief”, which begins airing Wednesday, June 22 at 10:00pm ET/PT and continues on the four subsequent Wednesdays.

The subject tonight is “‘Twin-tuition,’ the special connection between twins that allows some siblings to share a language, know what the other is thinking, or share physical sensations across distances.”

What do you think?  Can twins communicate through a mental connection — even across distances?

Having recently gone back to work after having twins, I am curious how having twins has impacted other families with twins. Have you struggled? Did you feel you had choices? Were your decisions easy?

Please take a minute to respond to TwinParenthood’s survey about work after twins. Your contribution is greatly appreciated!

Most twin parents want names that will sound good together. Whether you choose names to honor family members, because they rhyme, or because they don’t — choosing names for twins can be tricky.  If you’re like me, you probably checked out (or are in the process of checking out) all sorts of resources before deciding on names for your twins.  To make is easy for you, we’ve compiled our own list of techniques: How to choose your twin baby names, gives you all the inside scoop for selecting twin baby names.

Check out our Twins Names page for the most recent year’s popular twin names.

Plus, every year, the US Social Security Administration publishes lists of popular names, and fortunately for us, they also publish a list of most popular twins names.  The formatting is not fancy, but hey — I’m a working girl and it’s the quick and dirty version.  So, without further ado, here is their list of most popular twin names for 2010.

Most Popular Twin Names

This list is for 2010, looking for the most recent year? Check our Twins Names page.

Girl Twins Names

1 Ella, Emma
2 Olivia, Sophia
3 Gabriella, Isabella
4 Faith, Hope
5 Ava, Emma
6 Isabella, Sophia
7 Madison, Morgan
8 Ava, Ella
9 Ava, Olivia
10 Mackenzie, Madison
11 Abigail, Isabella
12 Abigail, Emma
13 Hailey, Hannah
14 Makayla, Makenzie
15 Addison, Avery
16 Elizabeth, Emily
17 Ava, Mia
18 Heaven, Nevaeh
19 Abigail, Emily
20 Emma, Olivia
21 London, Paris
22 Chloe, Claire
23 Mia, Mya
24 Anna, Emma
25 Arianna, Brianna
26 Isabella, Olivia
27 Abigail, Lillian
28 Addison, Ava
29 Emma, Isabella
30 Samantha, Sophia
31 Ella, Olivia
32 Emma, Hannah
33 Emma, Mia
34 Faith, Grace
35 Madison, Makenzie
36 Madison, Olivia
37 Abigail, Olivia
38 Anabella, Isabella
39 Chloe, Zoe
40 Elizabeth, Isabella
41 Elizabeth, Victoria
42 Jada, Jade
43 Julia, Sophia
44 Kayla, Kylie
45 Madison, Megan
46 Mia, Sophia
47 Natalie, Olivia
48 Paige, Payton
49 Serenity, Trinity
50 Valentina, Valeria

Girl/Boy Twins Names

1 Madison, Mason
2 Emma, Ethan
3 Taylor, Tyler
4 Madison, Michael
5 Jayda, Jayden
6 Madison, Matthew
7 Samuel, Sophia
8 Addison, Aiden
9 Olivia, Owen
10 Zachary, Zoe
11 Addison, Jackson
12 Aiden, Ava
13 Emily, Ethan
14 Emma, Ryan
15 Isaac, Isabella
16 Natalie, Nathan
17 Abigail, Benjamin
18 Andrew, Emma
19 Isabella, Isaiah
20 Jada, Jaden
21 Brian, Brianna
22 Emma, Jack
23 Aiden, Emma
24 Eli, Ella
25 Jacob, Olivia
26 Lily, Logan
27 Michael, Michelle
28 Naomi, Noah
29 Abigail, Alexander
30 Abigail, Andrew
31 Brandon, Brianna
32 Chloe, Christian
33 Elizabeth, William
34 Emily, Matthew
35 Emma, Jacob
36 Emma, William
37 Jacob, Sarah
38 Lilly, Logan
39 Nicholas, Sophia
40 Noah, Sophia
41 Oliver, Olivia
42 Sophia, William
43 Abigail, Jacob
44 Addison, Austin
45 Alexander, Sophia
46 Ella, Jackson
47 Emma, Evan
48 Emma, James
49 Jayla, Jaylen
50 Zachary, Zoey

Boy Twins Names

1 Jacob, Joshua
2 Ethan, Evan
3 Jayden, Jordan
4 Daniel, David
5 Matthew, Michael
6 Landon, Logan
7 Elijah, Isaiah
8 Jacob, Joseph
9 Jayden, Jaylen
10 Isaac, Isaiah
11 Caleb, Joshua
12 Andrew, Matthew
13 James, John
14 Alexander, Nicholas
15 Jeremiah, Josiah
16 Joseph, Joshua
17 Nathan, Nicholas
18 Jonathan, Joshua
19 Logan, Lucas
20 Ethan, Nathan
21 Aiden, Ethan
22 Jeremiah, Joshua
23 Alexander, Andrew
24 Alexander, Benjamin
25 Logan, Luke
26 Jacob, Lucas
27 Jonathan, Joseph
28 Nathan, Noah
29 Andrew, Anthony
30 Brandon, Bryan
31 Daniel, Michael
32 Daniel, Samuel
33 Isaiah, Jeremiah
34 Jaden, Jordan
35 Jayden, Kayden
36 John, Joseph
37 Matthew, Ryan
38 Aiden, Austin
39 Benjamin, Samuel
40 Christopher, Nicholas
41 Taylor, Tyler
42 Benjamin, William
43 Hayden, Hunter
44 Santiago, Sebastian
45 Alexander, Anthony
46 Alexander, William
47 Brandon, Brian
48 Carter, Cooper
49 Evan, Owen
50 Evan, Ryan

Where is the article spilling the details of our twin study trip you ask? It’s coming — don’t worry.

Meanwhile, I found an interesting take on twins studies and what they teach us as twins parents — written by a dad of twins. In this WSJ Blog article, “Twin Lessons: Have More Kids. Pay Less Attention to Them“, Bryan Caplan describes his big learn.  He says, “The obvious lesson to draw is that parents should lighten up.”  He even has a name for it: ”Serenity Parenting”.

You’ll have to read his article to see if you agree.  But, it makes sense to me. After all, that is a lesson I learned from our trip to Washington DC and our own involvement in an individual twins study. I didn’t need Mr. Caplan to tell me — but it didn’t hurt, either.

So I think I’ll relax a bit more and see if I can enjoy this adventure in twin parenting just a bit more as a result.  As for having more kids? I think we’re done.

Do you know the zygosity of your twins?

Take our quick Facebook poll — are your twins identical or fraternal? Maybe they were in separate sacs but look a lot alike… or maybe you are newly expecting twins and don’t know yet. Or, is it complicated? If so, leave a comment to tell us why.

While you’re there — don’t forget to click the link to take you to our Facebook Page and give us a “like”. We have a fun Question of the Day and feature 5 new fan photos in the filmstrip daily. Come check us out!

When having twins, you should plan to complete all your preparations before your 30^th week of your twin pregnancy. 

• Twin pregnancies experience a much higher rate of bed rest than singleton pregnancies.
• Twin pregnancies experience a higher rate of pre-term labor.
• If you manage to make it into or through your 3^rd trimester, you will very likely be so tired that you will not be able to accomplish much on your to-do list.

 Tasks you can (and should) complete before the 30^th week of pregnancy

• Nursery setup

The most important piece of equipment for your nursery is a crib. It is not necessary to get two cribs immediately, as you may wish to have your twins share a crib at first.  Twins often take comfort from sharing a crib.

• Stock the freezer with meals 

Whether you make meals ahead and freeze them, use a service where you prepare 30 days of meals in advance, buy pre-made warehouse meals, or schedule family and friends to bring meals — you will not regret being prepared in this way. When your twins arrive, you will be so relieved to have meals at the ready.

• Organize your help schedule

 When expecting twins, many will offer help. Our tendency is to say thank you, but then never to bring it up again. You must resist this tendency! Practice accepting offers of help. Think about what types of help you are willing to accept. When friends and family offer to help, be prepared to tell them specifically how they can help.  Try using a “care” calendar.  These online calendars allow you to list your needs and facilitate sign ups for help. Don’t be shy — you’ll be needing help.

• Get your equipment basics

 As we mentioned earlier, your most critical equipment need is your crib. Don’t go too overboard and purchase everything you’ll need to raise your twins into adulthood. Just focus on the needs to cover the first 3 months. You’ll have time later to purchase additional equipment and supplies for the next stage.  The second most important piece of equipment is your stroller. For your first stroller, we recommend a Snap ‘N Go, or convertable system that allows you to put your infant car seats into the stroller.  This will save you headaches when your twins are sleeping soundly and you don’t have to remove them from their car seats to put them into the stroller.

• Prepare birth announcements and thank-you notes

This is a great time review styles for birth announcements and thank-you notes. Pick out the layout and shop around for prices. Prepare as much of the information in advance as possible. You can even address envelopes so they will be ready to personalize and pop in the mail.

Completing your preparations before the 30th week will give you peace of mind as you move into the final weeks of your twin pregnancy. Enjoy this time as you prepare for your little ones.

Copyright 2011 – Kathryn Whiteley / TwinParenthood.com

Having twins is life changing. Every day brings new joys and challenges. Recently going back to work has made me reflect fondly on the things I most love about having twins. I miss my sweeties!

10 things to love about having twins

1. MoM to MoM Connections
   As soon as you’re pregnant with twins (or triplets, or more), you’ve got an instant connection, and instant bond with other MoMs (Mothers of multiples). No one “gets it” like  another mother of multiples — except maybe a dad of multiples.
2. Built in Playmate
   Parents of singletons spend a good chunk of time entertaining thier kids. Its not that parents of multiples don’t, but after a couple years of intense parenting, we deserve a little bit of a break.
3. The Twin Bond
   Twins form a fantastic bond that is a joy to see. They are each others greatest comfort in life, and become bff’s. There are exceptions to prove the rule, but mostly twins have a connection that non-twins will never fully understand.
4. Rock Star MoM/Dad
   You have a built in ice breaker with strangers — even when you don’t have your twins with you. And, you can’t go out with twins and not be stopped and asked a ton of questions. Most of the time, this is really great. But not always. That’s why this one makes both our best and worst list.
5. Consolidated Effort
   Raising kids is tough. The first couple of years with twins is really tough. But as they get older, you can consolidate your child rearing effort. Combined birthday parties, combined potty training, and two kids on the same sport teams, for example, can begin to ease your parenting burdon.
6. Sharing Clothing
   Having extra clothing of the same size has saved us on more than one occassion. And it makes for putting clothing away in the dresser and closet much easier, too.
7. Singles Now a Breeze
   On those rare occasions that you are caring for just one baby, it is amazing how easy it seems. One of our favorite mantras is “It’s all relative”. That is, having one baby is tough and makes for sleepless nights. And yet, when you’ve had two, caring for one seems like a breeze.
8. Twin Discounts
   Many stores offer discounts when buying for twins. Often, these discounts are not advertised, so don’t be afraid to ask.  And when you’re shopping, if you can’t decide between two items, you can just buy them both!
9. His & Hers
   Each parent has an extraordinary opportunity to bond with their sweet babies. There is never a shortage of opportunities to care for your babies.
10. Double Hugs, Kisses, & Love
    Having twins is truly a double blessing.  Nothing more to say.

copyright 2011 – TwinParenthood / Kathryn Whiteley