TwinParenthood.com

The words Twin-Tuition might make you think ahead to college — but that’s not the subject of tonight’s show  on ABC’s Nightline. 

ABC’s Nightline is starting a new 5 week series called, “Beyond Belief”, which begins airing Wednesday, June 22 at 10:00pm ET/PT and continues on the four subsequent Wednesdays.

The subject tonight is “‘Twin-tuition,’ the special connection between twins that allows some siblings to share a language, know what the other is thinking, or share physical sensations across distances.”

What do you think?  Can twins communicate through a mental connection — even across distances?

The age at which twins, triplets or more begin to notice each other and interact varies widely.  A lot depends on how closely you keep your twins in proximity to each other.  Do they share the same crib? Do you place them side by side on the floor for tummy time? or under an arch for overhead play time? These factors all can influence their interactions.

Some twins are aware of their twin from day one. Parents of multiples have reported their twins crying more when separated from their sibling.

Hospitals in Europe have long practiced co-bedding of multiples because of the reported benefits for the infants, which include improved weight gain and growth as well as a reduction in physiological stress.  Hospitals in the United States have begun to follow suit. However, hospitals in both countries are rethinking their policies.  

More recent reports indicate that co-bedding can increase the chances of SIDS, although some sources attribute the higher incidence of SIDS among multiples to be primarily related to low birth weight and not necessarily co-sleeping.   A commentary published in the journal “Pediatrics” on November 30, 2007 titled, “Cobedding Twins and Higher-Order Multiples in a Hospital Setting” concludes:

“Although cobedding multiples has become more widely practiced in hospitals in the United States, neither the safety nor the benefit of this practice has been documented in the published literature. Parents should be encouraged to follow established safe-sleep practices for infants at home.”

Even if you decide against co-bedding your twins, you can encourage their interactions by keeping the cribs close to each other in the bedroom. During activity time, you can encourage interactions by placing your twins together on the floor, side-by-side in the stroller, and holding them face to face with another adult.

No matter what age your twins begin responding to each other, it will happen sooner or later. It would be pretty tough to grow up as a twin without forming a strong twin relationship that involves playing, fighting, and emotional support.  As parents of twins, we long for the day when we see the twin bond developing — and some of us must be more patient than others.

Copyright 2010 Kathryn Whiteley — TwinParenthood.com

Are you a victim of Twin Escalation Syndrome? 

Twin Escalation Syndrome (TES) is the tendency for twins, triples, or more to feed upon each others behaviors, and to escalate the behaviors in reaction to each other. TES.  If you are a parent of multiples, you’ve got it.  Every day.

If one multiple gets scolded for bad behavior, the other(s) must immediately perform the same action that resulted in the scolding – and often build on the behavior – bigger, bolder, “badder”.   If one screams, the others scream louder. 

In fact, Twin Escalation Syndrome often results in behavior that is so over the top, we’re not just talking “double trouble”.  You’ve got the bad behavior of one, added to the bad behavior of the other, and then intensified — exponentially. Sometimes it seems that every bad behavior of one is picked up and mimicked by the other(s). 

“Getting into Mischief” is a whole lot easier to do when you’re a twin.

"Honey... Have you seen my shaving cream?"

And let’s face it – the old, “If your brother jumped off a cliff, would you do it, too?” quip just doesn’t cut it.  So what do you do?

1. Be calm.

When you can see a TES situation forming, try not to get swept up in the escalation.  Shouting only heightens the sense of chaos.  Take a deep breath and proceed with the following defense tactics.

2. Focus your attention.

Often TES occurs because of competition between siblings.  Deal with one child at a time, but tell the others that their turn is next. Take steps to minimize the competition between your multiples.  Try to get one on one time with each multiple on a daily basis, and at least one extended one on one event with each per week.

3. Distraction

Attempt to distract one or both before the situation gets out of hand. Suggest a new activity – and participate with your multiples in that activity – since their escalating behavior is probably an attempt to get your attention anyway.

4. Time out!

Yes, the old tried and true “time out “ method.  But with multiples, the key is to designate time out locations that are in separate rooms.  Time out locations also should not be in a place where you don’t want to associate bad feelings (for example, a crib/bed is probably not a good time out location).  Time outs generally should not exceed 1 minute per year/age beginning at age three.  Before age three, time outs might entail a few minutes sitting quietly with mommy reading a book instead of partaking in the escalating behavior you are trying to avoid.

I love hearing all the funny “Twin Escalation Syndrome” examples from other parents of multiples. Please share yours!

Copyright 2009 – twinParenthood.com / Kathryn Whiteley

Nearly everyone has heard of “The Twin Bond” 

I find the concept of the twin bond very interesting, and we see it from a unique perspective in our household. Since we have two sets of twins, we often feel that we have our own little science experiment going on in our house. Here are some of the interesting aspects about our laboratory:

The twin bond is an amazing thing. I can say from our own experience that it will vary from one set of twins (triplets, or higher order multiples) to another. And in our family, of course, each individual child has a relationship with each individual. But, we also have the added factor of the bond between the sets of twins. It’s wonderful to see.

Our boys are bonded, but not nearly so much as our girls. Is that because they are fraternal? Yes, I think partly so. Is it because they are boys? Yes, I think partly so.  They tend to be more competitive than our girls (with each other, with family, with friends, etc.). They get into tussles every day. They’re starting to be aware that boys don’t show affection to other boys in our society.

But, there are also events in their lives that put their bond on display for all to see. For example, at school last year they took a field trip to the beach. The boys were assigned into two separate groups as they explored, looking for sea creatures.  Trevin discovered a geoduck (“gooey-duck”). He was so excited that he immediately started calling for his brother — who was nearly a mile down the beach. 

Our girls are tightly bonded. I grew up in a family with two older brothers. I admit that I never even thought about, or missed, having a sister — until now. I see the beautiful relationship that my girls have and realize that I would have liked having that. They play together all day and rarely fight.

Last week, Jessica was home from school with the flu. She had been throwing up and I was sitting with her, comforting her. She looked at me, tears welled up into her eyes, and she exclaimed, “I want Sammie!” Later, at the dinner table that night, we asked Samantha how it went at school without her sister. Sammie’s chin started to quiver, then big tears rolled down her face. “I missed Jessica!” she exclaimed.

We are truly blessed in our family. Our God is a generous and amazing God.

How about you? Are your twins tightly bonded? or less so? How do they show it?

Copyright 2009 – twinParenthood.com / Kathryn Whiteley