TwinParenthood.com

Bedtime challenges exist for many families, but when you add twins, triplets, or more into the equation, things can get out of hand rather quickly. Many children begin to resist bedtime as they move into the toddler years. With twins sharing a bedroom, Twin Escalation Syndrome (TES) begins to play a role. Twin Escalation Syndrome is the tendency for twins to feed upon each other’s behaviors, and to escalate the behaviors in reaction to each other. At bedtime, this often results in extended talking, or turns “bedtime” into “playtime”.

The Wake Up Light System solves sleep problems

The “Wake Up Light” (or “Morning Light”) is a light that comes on when it is time to get up in the morning. You hook up a night-light on a timer. When it is sleep time, the light is OFF… when it is okay to get up, the light comes on. Please read TwinParenthood.com’s article on the basics of the Wake Up Light System to get an understanding of this useful sleep tool and how to use Sleep Rules with the light and timer.  In this article, Part 2 of our series on the “Wake Up Light System, we’ll discuss how to use the light and timer to promote good sleep behaviors at bedtime.

Dealing with Playtime at Bedtime

Set the timer so that the light is on for 5-10 minutes at bedtime after you leave the room.  Tell your twins they can talk/sing/read/use the bathroom during that time, but when the light goes out… they must lay down, close their eyes, be still and be quiet.  As noted in part one of our Wake Up System articles, it is important to review these Sleep Rules every night at bedtime.

If they violate the sleep rules, don’t get angry. Just calmly say “It’s sleep time.” and take them back to their bed and lay them down. If you need to, you can repeat the sleep rules in a monotone whisper: “the light is off: lay down, close eyes, be still, be quiet”. Do not linger, do not give kisses, etc. just lay them in bed then leave the room. Do this as many times as you need to do it — do not waver, do not get angry… just matter of fact and boring.

If you have some bad habits to break, it might take 3-4 days of this “matter of fact” putting them back in bed and repeating the sleep rules. After a few days they will get bored, but you might have to repeat this action many, many times during the training period. Don’t get discouraged. If you are consistent and really don’t give them any power by responding in a different way, talking with them, pleading with them, or scolding them, they will get bored and will stop violating the sleep rules.

The Wake Up Light System has been a blessing in our household, and as I’ve shared the system with other families of multiples, I’ve heard nothing but positive feedback.  Give the system a try and see how it works in your house!

Copyright 2010 Kathryn Whiteley — TwinParenthood.com

Related Articles:

• More than Double Trouble: Twin Escalation Syndrom and Twin Behavior
• The “Wake Up Light System” helps to solve many sleep issues
• How to prevent twins from calling you in the night

Getting kids to bed on time can be a challenge. My kids have always been very early risers no matter what time they went to bed. So, we quickly learned that an earlier bedtime meant a little respite for us. If you have twins, triplets, or more, getting kids to bed on time can be even more of a challenge because of “twin escalation syndrome” — that is, misbehavior tends to escalate exponentially.  So, here are my top 5 tricks to make it happen more often than not (bedtime on time, that is!).

Top 5 tricks for getting kids to bed on time

Start early.  Our bedtime routine starts a full hour before we intend to have our kids actually in bed.

Schedule. Our bedtime routine is the same every night. We honor our schedule. We rarely plan evening events that will disrupt it.

Read. We read at least 20 minutes to our kids every night. It helps with developing literacy and has a calming effect. We snuggle up on the couch with a blanket, read, and talk about our books.

Reward. Be sure to take the time to tell them they are doing a great job. Pick out something they are doing well and tell them.  “I like how you…”

Ritual. Build in rituals that you perform consistently every night.  For us, it is tucking in the stuffies a certain way, and saying the same words as we leave their room, “Good Night, Sleep Tight, See you in the Morning Light”.

I have to give a special thanks to Twittermoms and www.dramau.net. Because of illness (mine and my kids), I’ve really been off my blogging routine. They inspired me to get back on my routine.  Just a quick little post to break the ice… and now I feel invigorated to begin anew. Thanks, guys!

Are you a victim of Twin Escalation Syndrome? 

Twin Escalation Syndrome (TES) is the tendency for twins, triples, or more to feed upon each others behaviors, and to escalate the behaviors in reaction to each other. TES.  If you are a parent of multiples, you’ve got it.  Every day.

If one multiple gets scolded for bad behavior, the other(s) must immediately perform the same action that resulted in the scolding – and often build on the behavior – bigger, bolder, “badder”.   If one screams, the others scream louder. 

In fact, Twin Escalation Syndrome often results in behavior that is so over the top, we’re not just talking “double trouble”.  You’ve got the bad behavior of one, added to the bad behavior of the other, and then intensified — exponentially. Sometimes it seems that every bad behavior of one is picked up and mimicked by the other(s). 

“Getting into Mischief” is a whole lot easier to do when you’re a twin.

"Honey... Have you seen my shaving cream?"

And let’s face it – the old, “If your brother jumped off a cliff, would you do it, too?” quip just doesn’t cut it.  So what do you do?

1. Be calm.

When you can see a TES situation forming, try not to get swept up in the escalation.  Shouting only heightens the sense of chaos.  Take a deep breath and proceed with the following defense tactics.

2. Focus your attention.

Often TES occurs because of competition between siblings.  Deal with one child at a time, but tell the others that their turn is next. Take steps to minimize the competition between your multiples.  Try to get one on one time with each multiple on a daily basis, and at least one extended one on one event with each per week.

3. Distraction

Attempt to distract one or both before the situation gets out of hand. Suggest a new activity – and participate with your multiples in that activity – since their escalating behavior is probably an attempt to get your attention anyway.

4. Time out!

Yes, the old tried and true “time out “ method.  But with multiples, the key is to designate time out locations that are in separate rooms.  Time out locations also should not be in a place where you don’t want to associate bad feelings (for example, a crib/bed is probably not a good time out location).  Time outs generally should not exceed 1 minute per year/age beginning at age three.  Before age three, time outs might entail a few minutes sitting quietly with mommy reading a book instead of partaking in the escalating behavior you are trying to avoid.

I love hearing all the funny “Twin Escalation Syndrome” examples from other parents of multiples. Please share yours!

Copyright 2009 – twinParenthood.com / Kathryn Whiteley

I absolutley love, love, love, to hear funny stories about twins, triplets or more getting into mischief.  Do you have any funny stories to share, where their behavior seemed to feed upon one another?

Please take this quick survey to share your story (or, just leave a comment here if you’d prefer to do it that way).

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As always, thank you so  much for your help with my blog and book!