Bedtime challenges exist for many families, but when you add twins, triplets, or more into the equation, things can get out of hand rather quickly. Many children begin to resist bedtime as they move into the toddler years. With twins sharing a bedroom, Twin Escalation Syndrome (TES) begins to play a role. Twin Escalation Syndrome is the tendency for twins to feed upon each other’s behaviors, and to escalate the behaviors in reaction to each other. At bedtime, this often results in extended talking, or turns “bedtime” into “playtime”.
The Wake Up Light System solves sleep problems
The “Wake Up Light” (or “Morning Light”) is a light that comes on when it is time to get up in the morning. You hook up a night-light on a timer. When it is sleep time, the light is OFF… when it is okay to get up, the light comes on. Please read TwinParenthood.com’s article on the basics of the Wake Up Light System to get an understanding of this useful sleep tool and how to use Sleep Rules with the light and timer. In this article, Part 2 of our series on the “Wake Up Light System, we’ll discuss how to use the light and timer to promote good sleep behaviors at bedtime.
| Tip: |
Carefully choose a timer for your Wake Up Light System, to include a toggle on/off feature and to allow for multiple on/off timings. |
Dealing with Playtime at Bedtime
Set the timer so that the light is on for 5-10 minutes at bedtime after you leave the room. Tell your twins they can talk/sing/read/use the bathroom during that time, but when the light goes out… they must lay down, close their eyes, be still and be quiet. As noted in part one of our Wake Up System articles, it is important to review these Sleep Rules every night at bedtime.
If they violate the sleep rules, don’t get angry. Just calmly say “It’s sleep time.” and take them back to their bed and lay them down. If you need to, you can repeat the sleep rules in a monotone whisper: “the light is off: lay down, close eyes, be still, be quiet”. Do not linger, do not give kisses, etc. just lay them in bed then leave the room. Do this as many times as you need to do it — do not waver, do not get angry… just matter of fact and boring.
If you have some bad habits to break, it might take 3-4 days of this “matter of fact” putting them back in bed and repeating the sleep rules. After a few days they will get bored, but you might have to repeat this action many, many times during the training period. Don’t get discouraged. If you are consistent and really don’t give them any power by responding in a different way, talking with them, pleading with them, or scolding them, they will get bored and will stop violating the sleep rules.
| Warning: |
If you do not consistently enforce the sleep rules, the system will not work. You cannot be “too tired” to go enforce the rules in your monotone, boring voice. Tell yourself that the investment NOW, will pay off with better sleep for everyone (the babies and you) in just a few short (although it may seem long!) days. |
The Wake Up Light System has been a blessing in our household, and as I’ve shared the system with other families of multiples, I’ve heard nothing but positive feedback. Give the system a try and see how it works in your house!
Copyright 2010 Kathryn Whiteley — TwinParenthood.com
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It seems that sleep issues plague all parents at some time or another.
But for parents of twins, triplets, or higher order multiples, it seems like issues with sleep are magnified because every sleeping moment is so precious. While there is no “magic bullet” to solve all sleep problems, the wake up light system (or “morning light” system) comes pretty darn close to it.
The wake up light is simply a light plugged into a timer. Place the wake up light where your twins can see it from their cribs or beds.
| Tip: Choose a light that emits a dim light — so that the light won’t wake the babies when it comes on. Most often, you will want them to sleep beyond the wake up time if they are still asleep. There are very cute night lights that work well for this purpose. |
Crucial to the success of the wake up light system, is the consistent application and enforcement of the sleep rules. Make a poster with your sleep rules and place it on the wall near the wake up light. You can include a simple drawing of a child in bed with their eyes closed.
SLEEP RULES
If wake up light is off:
1. Lay Down
2. Close Eyes
3. Be Still
4. Be Quiet |
When you first introduce the light and the sleep rules, do it at a time OTHER than bed time or nap time. You can read and point to each word, you can point to the drawing of the sleeping child, or you can pantomime the actions as well as acting out the opposite of each. This is the one and only time you would ever act out the opposite of the desired actions. This is done just so they understand, and you don’t want them to make a game of doing the opposite of the sleep rules. Talk about the wake up light and point to it. Turn the light on to show what it looks like and explain, “when it comes on, you can get up!”. Then, turn the light off and review the sleep rules again.
Review the sleep rules every night at bed time.
If they violate the sleep rules, don’t get angry. Just calmly say “It’s sleep time.” and take them back to their bed and lay them down. If you need to, you can repeat the sleep rules in a monotone whisper: “the light is off: lay down, close eyes, be still, be quiet”. Do not linger, do not give kisses, etc. just lay them in bed then leave the room. Do this as many times as you need to do it — do not waver, do not get angry… just matter of fact and boring.
If there are some bad habits to be broken, it might take 3-4 days of this “matter of fact” putting them back in bed and repeating the sleep rules. After a few days they will get bored, but you might have to be prepared to repeat this action many, many times over in a night/morning during the training period. Don’t get discouraged. If you are consistent and really don’t give them any power by responding in a different way, talking with them, pleading with them, scolding them, they will get bored and will stop violating the sleep rules.
| Warning: If you do not consistently enforce the sleep rules, the system will not work. You cannot be “too tired” to go enforce the rules in your monotone, boring voice. Tell yourself that the investment NOW, will pay off with better sleep for everyone (the babies and you) in just a few short (although it may seem long!) days. |
To help your twins feel successful in the beginning, you can set the light to come on earlier than your ultimate desired wake up time — early enough that you KNOW they will still be asleep. That way, when they wake up, the light will be on and they can start their day right away. The first few days you can plan to get up early and be ready to greet them with “The light is on, Hooray! Good job!”. You can then move the wake up time gradually back to the actual time you want them to wake up. Depending how far you need to move their wake up time, you’ll want to go in 5-15 minute increments and leave it at each setting for 2-3 days.
| Tip: Do not ever let the babies get up while the wake up light is off. Be sure to purchase a timer that has an on/off toggle switch — so that you can click the light on quickly if you need to. This should not be used often, as they will learn that the wake up light can be manipulated. Outlet timers are available at most hardware stores. |
Be very animated about all successes (especially in the first several months). Anytime they get up after the wake up light has come on, make a big deal out of it. “Good Job! Look! The Light is on! Time to get up! Good Morning!”. Anytime they get up when the light is not on, be very monotone and boring, “Look. The light is not on. Sleep Time.”
What age is appropriate to start using the wake-up light?
Babies as young as 7 – 8 months can use a wake up light. The nice thing about starting at a very young age is that the wake up light quickly becomes a natural part of their life — almost like the sun rising. A young baby can sometimes take longer to get the hang of the light — but when you are consistent and continue to direct their attention to the light, they will eventually get it.
|
Tip: If the sunrise brings light into your babies’ room in the morning earlier than you would like them to wake up, you might wish to purchase black out shades to keep the room dark until your desired wake up time. |
Of course, it is always important to assess the reason for any violations of the sleep rules. If there is a need that must be taken care of, do so as quickly and quietly as possible. Do not talk unless critically needed. As the adult, it is up to you to judge if a violation of the rules is reasonable under the circumstances. If it is not reasonable, do not argue, discuss, or explain — just revert back to the monotone, “The light is not on. Sleep Time.” If they are old enough for discussion, there will be time during daylight hours to discuss why the violation was not okay.
Toddlers do very well with a wake up light system, but older children can still benefit from it as well. Sometimes, especially in the winter, it is hard to tell if it is time to get up in the morning because it might still be dark at the “normal” wake up time for your child. The wake up light can help a child who wakes in the night wondering if it is time to get up. If the light is off, it is still sleep time.
Hopefully this introduction to the wake up light system has given you a good overview. The wake up light system solves many different kinds of sleep and bedtime issues, and we’ll get into specific scenarios in future articles. In the next article in this series, we’ll talk about how the wake up light can help with children that think that bedtime means playtime.
Copyright 2010 Kathryn Whiteley — TwinParenthood.com
As with singletons, it is normal for twins, triplets or more to go through phases where they are frightened of the dark, or wake up in the night upset, crying, afraid, or in “need” of something from you. But since it is often associated with developmental stages, it can be more difficult for parents of multiples because often times more than one child is struggling in the night at the same time. Sometimes one upset child will wake up another, making things more difficult and complicated to resolve.
Babies and toddlers understand our words more than we think sometimes. Talking about it always helps. Several things helped in our house:
- There is a great book, titled “Owl Babies” by Martin Waddell.
It’s about baby owls that awaken in the night and their mother is gone. They worry about what will happen to her and then her return reassures them. You can read the book (over and over and over and over) and talk about how it is normal for mommies (and daddies) to not be there when they wake up in the night.
- The “wake up light”. This is a light that comes on when it is time to get up in the morning. You hook up a night-light on a timer. When it is sleep time, the light is OFF… when it is okay to get up, the light comes on. How does this help? In the middle of the night, when they awaken and cry, you can come into their room.. point at the light and say in a reassuring voice, “the wake up light is not on, time for sleep”. Check back for a more extensive article on how to set up and use the wake up light system — coming soon.
- The bedtime talk. At bedtime, we always talk about what to do if they wake up in the night. “Think about why you woke up… are you cold? pull up the blankets (practice)… are you hot? take off a blanket (practice)… do you wonder if it is morning yet? check the wake up light (practice – point to the light)… snuggle into your bed, close your eyes, snuggle up with lovey, etc.” Although this conversation is about what happens in the middle of the night, it is reassuring and helps with the bedtime routine, too. Have this conversation every night — for months.
- Twin-to-twin comfort. Are the beds close together? Can the kids touch each other? After the three above things were in place, one night we said, “Tonight we’re going to go out and you’re going to go to sleep with your lovey. Reach over and hold hands with sister / brother. Isn’t that nice? You’ll be together just like the owl babies!”
- Consistent bedtime routine. Every night we’d use the exact same words as the last things we’d say when leaving the room. This routine was reassuring… they knew what was going to happen: mom and dad would go out and not come back until the morning — when the wake up light comes on. Be sure you are there when the morning light comes on. Say something like “Night-night, sweet dreams, I love you, see you when the wake up light comes on!” all very sing-song. And then, don’t get pulled back in. Make sure you have done EVERYTHING before you say these words. If you go back, it undermines the routine and they learn “delays” as they get older… “wait! I need a drink!”… “wait! I need a kiss!” Decide what things you will do for them each night. Then make sure you do all of them… try to do it in the same order each night. If you decide you are going to add something to the routine, add it at the beginning — not as the last thing. Adding it at the front end keeps the rhythm and shouldn’t trigger the idea that more things can be added at the end.
I hope these ideas spark some ideas that might help at your house. What else has worked for you? Please leave a comment — help out another struggling parent.~
Copyright 2009 – TwinParenthood.com / Kathryn Whiteley
* I was not compensated for the mention of this book. It is a personal recommendation only.
Daylight Savings Time impacts twin babies’ schedules
As yet another “Daylight Savings Time” change approaches, I am reminded what a nightmare it can be for families with young twins, triplets, or more. My kids were very early risers. No matter what time we put them to bed, they would get up extremely early. Toss in a time change and we were in trouble. So, I’ve put together some tips as you move towards a time change, that can help ease the transition.
- A week before the time change, begin putting your babies to bed 15 minutes earlier each night (or later depending which direction the time change is moving).
- If you do not already use a “wake up” light, begin using one. A “wake up” light is simply a night-light that you have plugged into a timer. Except, this night-light is off all night. When it is the desired wake up time, the light comes on. Place the light up high so that the babies can see the light from their cribs or beds. Choose a night-light that is not so bright that it will wake the babies if they are sleeping. The idea of the “wake up” light is to train your child that when the light is off, it is time for sleep. When it is on, it is okay to get up (or to call for Mommy or Daddy). Check out our article series on the “wake up” light (aka the “morning light”). These timers can be purchased at home improvement stores.
- Depending where you live, you might want to invest in black out shades. These shades are marvelous. Babies naturally begin to wake when the room lightens in the morning. These shades block the light out so babies can continue to sleep. JC Penny is a good source for ordering (no, I have not been compensated for listing them as a resource).
Taking these steps will help your twins, triplets, or higher order multiples to adjust to the new time. But, even without using any gradual methods, most babies will adjust within a couple of days when making a time change “cold turkey”.
Copyright 2009 – twinParenthood.com / Kathryn Whiteley
